A week had gone by and Thanksgiving break was fast approaching. I had become a frequent fixture in Zac’s apartment and things were progressing nicely ever since we’d jumpstarted our physical relationship. Zac was great, and I really appreciated the fact that he was content doing what we were doing, but the desire for more was continually growing and I worried that it was about to become the pink elephant in the middle of the room that I couldn’t talk about for fear of offending my otherwise wonderful new boyfriend. Sex was always a touchy subject for me, whether I was having it or not, and I found that the subject in general was for most guys like Achilles’ heel was for him: a really, really sore spot.
We were sprawled out on his futon sharing a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked ice cream and watching SNL on Saturday night. There were no parties or anything occurring that night due to midterms being the next week and we had opted to stay in and veg with each other, something I was more than happy for. As much as I liked going out, especially with Gwen and Braeden, I was glad to have Zac all to myself for a whole night.
“Did you just eat the last piece of brownie?” I accused. He pretended that he hadn’t heard me and continued to watch Maya Rudolph mimic Donatella Versace. “Zachary… did you eat the last piece of brownie? I know that you didn’t, since you know how much I love the brownie pieces.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said, still not meeting my gaze, but now with a shit-eating grin on his face. I snatched the container out of his hand and moved so I was straddling his hips, putting me in control of the situation.
“Well, let’s see what we have here. I can see the bottom of the container and there is only a thin layer of vanilla ice cream left with nary a piece of cookie dough or brownie in sight. I think that you just broke the cardinal rule of ice cream sharing,” I stated, setting the pint down on the coffee table with mock force before crossing my arms over my chest.
“And what is my punishment?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow at me. Oh, I hoped that look meant what I thought it meant, and I hoped that he wanted it as badly as I did.
Pretending to be deep in thought, I began to slowly push his shirt up. “Hmm… well, you did break a pretty serious rule. I guess that only a serious punishment will suffice.” He sat up and pulled off his shirt before leaning back on his hands.
“Do with me as you will,” he stated with a seriousness I hadn’t seen from him in quite some time. My fingers and my gaze made their way to his belt loops as I felt a flush cover my chest and face. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said softly, raising my eyes briefly to meet his.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No… god no. It’s just me. Just a little busy up here,” I said as I ran a hand through my hair.
“Something you want to talk about?” I considered it. I considered telling him that I was ready to sleep with him, but didn’t for fear of coming off too needy, too fast. We’d only been dating for a few weeks and I was terrified of him thinking that I was rushing into things. I just couldn’t help myself. I really liked him. Instead, I just shook my head and leaned in to kiss him. He moved back, avoiding my kiss.
“Zac, I said I was fine.”
“Yeah, and you’re pretty clearly not. Please tell me what I did so we can talk about it and then fix it, okay?” I sighed and once again crossed my arms over my chest, this time because I was uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that I almost wished he would put his shirt back on because it was distracting. Almost.
“It’s just that… I’m ready to sleep with you and I don’t want you to think that I’m not happy with what we’re doing, because I am and it’s great and I hope that it doesn’t stop once we start having sex. And I also don’t want you to think that I’m slutty or that I sleep with guys too fast. And if you’re not ready, then it’s okay and I can wait, but I just needed to say something,” I rambled, completely avoiding eye contact with him the entire time.
“Esme. Is that seriously what you were freaking out about?” he asked, and I could hear that he was smiling from his tone.
“Oh god, you’re laughing at me. You think I’m an idiot!” I exclaimed, collapsing forward onto his chest and clutching onto him.
“You are such a spaz,” he laughed, “And I can’t exactly hug you in this position.”
“I don’t want you to hug me. I don’t even want you to look at me.”
“Will you calm down? I don’t think you’re a slut. I don’t think that you’re not happy with what we’ve been doing, and I certainly don’t think you’re wanting to move too fast. I’ve just made the mistake of moving way too fast with people in the past and I like you too much to mess it up. It’s early in our relationship, and I was just hoping that we would naturally progress there, but you’re right. We haven’t because we’ve both been worried about moving too fast and we’ve gotten stuck. Not that I’m exactly complaining about where we’ve been stuck…” he teased. I pulled back and looked at him hesitantly.
“So I guess we’re both kind of slutty, huh?” I asked as a smile cracked its way onto my lips.
“No, not slutty. Just ready,” he said. And with that we just looked at each other as the weight of the situation finally settled around us. We were used to our usual banter, but behind this round of teasing lay something big. Sex with Zac wouldn’t just be sex, it would be something better than that. We had just decided that we were ready for that next step, the one that ruined a lot of relationships. As the thought of messing everything up passed through my mind, I almost wished that we could take the entire conversation back and just spend the evening making out on his futon. But now the pink elephant was visible to both of us and we couldn’t ignore it any more, not that we really wanted to.
“Ready like now? Or ready… soon?” I asked.
“Whenever,” he said, but just looking at him I knew the answer. He was already starting to breath a little heavier in anticipation and I realized that I was too. Without a word we both got up and made our way to his bedroom and took that next big step.
* * *I woke up a few hours later to an empty bed and no noise to be heard from the rest of the apartment. Wondering where the hell he’d gone, I made my way down the hallway to the kitchen and found that his keys were gone from the counter. Had it been so bad that he’d bolted the moment I’d fallen asleep? The second that thought passed through my mind, I realized how ridiculous it was, but I couldn’t think of any place he might have needed to go at three o’clock in the morning. As I waited for him to return from his unknown destination, I went to watch TV in the living room. We’d left the TV on and the condensation from the ice cream container had left a watery ring on the table. I plopped down on the futon and smiled, wondering what I had been so worried about. It had been really good, not that I had been particularly worried, but it really had been great up until his little disappearing act. I had almost dozed off to the sounds of some infomercial when I heard the front door close softly. Zac’s footsteps started to move down the hallway, but then stopped and headed into the living room.
“What are you doing in here?” he asked as he sat down next to me and petted my hair gently.
“I don’t think I’m the one who should be asking questions about current locations, mister,” I stated. He smiled and gestured to the Walmart bag in his hand.
“I wanted to surprise you.”
“I thought you ran away.”
“From you? Never,” he said, sneaking a kiss before continuing, “I just thought that I owed you.”
“After that? You don’t owe me anything,” I teased, causing him to blush lightly.
“So not what I was talking about,” he laughed, “No, I thought that I owed you this.” He pulled a fresh, unopened pint of Half Baked from the bag.
“Have I told you lately that you’re the best boyfriend ever?”
“Told me? No. Screamed it?” He laughed as he tried to avoid a light smack on the arm for that.
“You are such a pervert.” I accepted the ice cream and a clean spoon from him as I sat up and leaned back into the cushion. He scooted next to me and put his arm around my shoulders.
“Yeah, but you love it.”
“I really do,” I said, feeding him a bite sans brownie, “But don’t think for one second that you’re getting even a corner of a brownie bite out of this pint.” He shook his head and pulled me closer.
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he replied, placing a kiss to my temple, “What am I going to do without you over break.”
“I don’t know. Probably have fun with your family while I’m at home by myself.”
“Home by yourself? What are you talking about?”
“My parents decided to take a trip just the two of them over break since my dad is also on break at that time. They’re going to Greece and I can’t believe that they’re not taking me with them.”
“How could they do that? Leaving you all alone for two weeks? What will my little Esme do all by herself?”
“Feel sorry for myself… and watch a lot of TV.”
“No, that’s ridiculous. You’re not spending Thanksgiving by yourself. You’re coming to my house.”
“Oh yeah, sure,” I said, thinking he was just appeasing me.
“Esme, I’m serious. My parents want to meet you anyway and they’ll flip if they find out that I let you sit at home by yourself on a national holiday when you could easily come spend it with me.”
“Shouldn’t you ask them first?” I asked.
“Well of course, but I need to know if you want to come before I do that.” I looked up at him and he was so adorable and sincere there was no way that I could say no, even though I felt like I would really be imposing.
“Of course I’ll come. I’d love to meet your family.” His face lit up.
“I’m so glad. It’s going to be great. My mom cooks a mean turkey, let me tell you.”
“I can’t wait,” I said, eating one more bite before admitting defeat, “I am Half Baked out, if that’s possible.”
“Tonight has been so great,” he said seriously before kissing me, “I can’t believe how hard I’m falling for you.” His lips were only millimeters away from mine and I felt myself get dizzy at his words.
“Tell me about it,” I smiled before pulling him back for another kiss. The ice cream melted as we lost ourselves in brownie flavored kisses and neither of us minded a bit.