Damn It // Chapter Sixteen

I noticed that our tour of the house was complete and thorough except for one small room adjacent to the living room. Just as I was about to ask about it, Zac’s mom called us into the dining room because dinner was finally ready. The many smells of Thanksgiving filled my nose and I couldn’t wait to dig in, in a completely ladylike way, of course.

“You finally get your turkey, babe,” Zac smiled, pecking me softly on the lips before we joined the rest of the family.

“I know… finally,” I teased as I sat down next to Zac and by his mom, who was at one end of the table. Taylor gave me a reassuring smile from across the many plates of food and I returned it.

My family always went around the table and said what we were most thankful for, but the Hansons just went right for the food. I supposed that growing up with three boys in the house might have led to the decline of some typical traditions. Or maybe, as Zac had told me, they just really weren’t the sharing type.

Once all of the food had been passed around (all of which was done accident-free), we settled into casual conversation.

“So, what are you studying at Harper?” Zac’s mom asked me.

“Psychology. The search for a grad school for next year will be starting soon. I’m hoping to get into a good program to become a psychologist,” I said in between bites of what I immediately realized was the best sage stuffing I’d ever tasted.

“Are you hoping to stay in the Chicago area?”

“That’s the plan. My parents both work at Northwestern, so I know that it’s always an option, but I’m keeping my possibilities open right now.”

“What about you, Zac? Have you made up your mind about what you’re going to do with your History degree?” his dad asked. Zac shrugged and speared his fork into his pile of mashed potatoes.

“I guess I’ll go to grad school, too.”

“Maybe you two could go to the same school,” his mom said with a smile. Zac grabbed my hand under the table.

“Well, that would certainly be nice, but we’ll have to see what’s best for both of our careers,” he said, squeezing my hand before letting it go once more.

“More wine?” Isaac asked everyone. After we all agreed, Isaac stood to pour us all fresh drinks before going into the kitchen for another bottle. I could feel the one glass of wine I’d had already start to affect me and knew that I needed to slow down. The last thing I wanted was to start saying things that shouldn’t be said in front of parents just because the wine was too damned good to pass up.

“You know, Esme, you’re the first girlfriend Zac has had in a long time that he actually wanted to bring home to meet us,” his mom said, and I couldn’t help but notice as Taylor’s gaze shifted immediately to Zac’s face as if awaiting a reaction of some kind.

“Is that so?” I asked, turning to smile at Zac only to find him looking rather irritated instead of happy as I had expected.

“Yes. We kept telling him that he was going to meet someone special in college, since that’s when his dad and I met, but all of the girls he’s dated since he’s been there never made it here.” All of the girls?

“Mom,” Zac said warningly through his teeth.

“Oh Zac, calm down, I’m paying her a compliment. I’m just saying that you must really like her for you to want to bring her here for a holiday. You didn’t do that with Cassie or Meaghan, even though you dated both of them for, what, a year? You’ve only been dating for a few months and here she is!” she said excitedly, reaching over to pat my hand. I didn’t even feel it. All I could do was stare at Zac incredulously. He refused to look over at me and instead slowly kept eating.

“So, um… Dad,” Isaac said hesitantly as if desperate to change the subject, “Interview anyone interesting lately?”

“I got to sit down with Carlos Zambrano and Mark Prior the other day, but I’ve talked to both of them before. People always like to read interviews with them though, so it was good for the paper,” his dad replied, obviously unaware of the extreme tension that had overtaken the table. I wanted out of there immediately so I could go into the bathroom and overanalyze Mrs. Hanson’s statements to death. Either that, or I wanted to go throw up the delicious dinner I had just eaten.

“So, who’s ready for pie?” Mrs. Hanson asked, “Do you want pumpkin or pecan, Esme?”

“Pumpkin, please,” I managed through my throat that was constricting against the emotions coursing through me. She nodded and went to the kitchen to cut and dish up the dessert. I felt Zac’s hand reach for my thigh and I violently crossed my legs away from his touch, my knee colliding with the underside of the table. I swore under my breath and rubbed at it, all the while continuing to avoid looking at him.

“Did you go to any of the games this season?” Mr. Hanson asked Zac.

“Yeah, a few at the beginning, but it was kind of weird,” he said in a hushed sounding voice.

“Zac, Coach Barton isn’t mad at you. You destroyed your ACL last season, there was no way you could play. He understands.” I let my head drop forward into my hands. He was a freaking football player now, too? What else had he failed to mention to me over the last few months?

“Dad, I really don’t want to talk about it, okay?” he pleaded.

“What’s going on with you? You’re acting weird all of a sudden,” his dad said to him. Zac was saved by his mother’s reentrance. After three trips from the kitchen, we all had our pie and ate it in a strained silence. Every time I looked across the table, Taylor and Isaac were looking back and forth between Zac and myself. I had to make a real effort to unclench my jaw enough to eat the pie, which was just as wonderful as the rest of dinner had been. I just wished that I wasn’t so upset that I couldn’t enjoy it properly.

After dinner, Mrs. Hanson urged us out of the dining room so she and Mr. Hanson could clean up, refusing to let any of the rest of us do a thing. Isaac suggested that we go watch the game, so we went to the living room. I couldn’t stand it. I just wanted to go talk to Zac, to make him tell me that everything his parents had been saying wasn’t true and that he hadn’t been lying to me since we met.

“Why don’t you sit down and join us?” Taylor asked. I shook my head. I knew that I was being childish, but I really didn’t care. My head was spinning and all I wanted to do was get out of their parents’ house so I could confront Zac. When I saw the room, the one off of the living room that Zac had avoided on the tour, I couldn’t help myself as I gave him a defiant look and headed straight for it.

“Esme!” I heard him call out, but I didn’t turn around. I flipped on the light and my mouth dropped open. The room was like a Zac shrine. Pictures of him wearing football uniforms and clippings from newspapers were framed and covering the better part of an entire wall. A large glass case housed footballs on little pedestals labeled as Championship balls and MVP trophies.

“No extracurriculars, huh?” I spat angrily to Zac, who I knew was standing behind me.

“Esme, look-”

“No! Don’t even try!” I said. I knew that I probably looked like a crazy woman, darting from wall to wall, staring with wide eyes at the items on the walls. Another wall housed many framed portraits of the three boys at school dances throughout the years. I found the ones of Zac with ease. They weren’t hard to spot. He was standing smiling like crazy standing next to one bleached-blonde, orange-skinned girl after another. My hands flew to my head and I stood there staring at them. These girls were nothing like me. They looked vapid and vacant, and I was sure that Zac had let them in on his superstar past.

“I don’t know what to say right now,” he admitted.

“How about you start with something like ‘I’m a giant, lying asshole,'” I whispered harshly, hardly even recognizing the voice coming out of my mouth. He just sighed and rubbed his hand over his eyes.

“Do we have to do this here?” he asked.

“No, we’re not doing this here,” I stated, shaking my head at him before leaving the room and sitting next to Taylor on the couch.

The next hour was absolute torture and we finally got to leave after Mrs. Hanson said that I didn’t look well and that Zac should get me home where I could relax. I thanked them graciously for the wonderful meal and put on a smile all the way to the car.

Once we were in the car, however, the shit started to hit the fan. Hard.

“You are such a hypocrite, Zac!” I said, trying to be quiet, but knowing that Isaac and Taylor would be listening intently to every word we spoke.

“How am I a hypocrite?”

“You got all pissed off at me that one night when you found out about Derek and Jason! Then when I flat out asked you about your dating past at Harper, you said you hadn’t dated anyone! Do two one-year relationships really count as nothing to you?” I exclaimed, my voice rising despite myself, “And oh, that was just very clever to tell me that your family doesn’t like to talk about stuff so I wouldn’t waste my time asking a bunch of questions. Very smart of you, Zac.”

“I really don’t want to have this conversation in front of my brothers, Esme,” he said.

“You think they’re not going to hear us once we’re back at the condo?” I asked.

“Can we just wait until then, please?” he asked, stealing a glance at them in the front seat. I just crossed my arms over my stomach and waiting rather impatiently for us to arrive.

As soon as Isaac pulled into the garage and Taylor got out and pulled the seat forward, I was out of the car and heading into the house. It took Zac several minutes to join me and I assumed he and his brothers had been talking down in the garage for a few minutes. Furiously, I threw all of my stuff back into my bag as I waited and was sitting on the bed, trying my best to look like I meant business when he finally came in.

“Esme, I didn’t want to tell you about all of that stuff because I’m not like that anymore,” he said.

“You played football at Harper a year ago and it’s not who you are anymore? Do you even realize how asinine that sounds? The only reason you’re not playing is because of your injury, which, oh surprise! I also didn’t know about!” I cried out.

“You can’t tell me you’ve told me everything about your past, Esme,” he defended.

“No Zac, of course I haven’t. We haven’t been dating long enough to know everything. But I’ll tell you one thing, I haven’t lied or omitted anything big about me or my past. Not one single thing! I told you that I dated two guys at Harper and that’s the truth. I told you everything I was involved in in high school. I didn’t leave out MVP trophies and long-term past relationships!”

“So I messed up! What do you want me to say?” he asked. My mouth dropped open.

“How about starting with apologizing or explaining yourself? No? Don’t want to do that?”

“Why is your bag packed?” he asked, ignoring my previous comment completely.

“I am so out of here. I can’t even hardly look at you right now, let alone continue this conversation for several more fun-filled days.”

“And how do you think you’re getting home?” he yelled out at me as I swung open the door and headed into the hallway.

“I’ll walk, I don’t care!” I said, immediately getting mad at myself as tears started spilling down my cheeks, “I don’t care how I get there, but I am not staying here!”

“Are you breaking up with me?” he asked, his face suddenly serious as he quickly closed the distance between us. I took a step back towards the stairs and shrugged.

“I don’t know. But I do know that I need some time to think,” I sobbed.

“Esme…” he said, “I’m sorry! I fucked up, but please don’t leave like this.”

“You fucked up big time,” I said simply, fighting to keep the angry, jagged breaths in my chest at bay.

“How are you getting home?” he asked again.

“I’ll drive her,” Taylor said, and it was then that Zac and I both realized that both of his brothers were standing there watching our entire exchange. I just nodded and headed for the garage, collapsing into the other vehicle in the garage, which I assumed to be Taylor’s Impala, and immediately broke back down into tears. What a wonderful Thanksgiving.

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