Taylor remained calm, simply putting in his ear buds to drown out the sound of his brothers arguing over a song that he and Isaac knew was not good enough to go on their album, but Zac was insisting on quite obnoxiously. He let the music fill his years. Good music, he noted. Not the clichéd drivel Zac had spent the better part of the last two hours trying to convince them was worth pursuing further. He didn’t even know what song was playing on his iPod. He just liked that it was loud enough that everything else around him started to drift away. His reverie wasn’t stable for long, however, as he felt one of the buds being ripped from his ear.
“Are you kidding me right now, Taylor?” Isaac shouted, “You put on your iPod? What, are you twelve?”
“Well excuse me for not wanting to hear you two repeat this conversation for the twentieth time in the last two hours. I’m sick of it and I so don’t need it right now.”
“You don’t need it? None of us do, Taylor! We’re wasting money every day because for some reason, we can’t manage to get anything done!” Isaac retorted. Taylor wanted to explain. He wanted to tell his brother why he didn’t need all of the fighting on this day of all days. He willed the words to come, but they wouldn’t, and he found himself retreating instead.
“I’ve already made my opinions on this song clear. I’m going to go outside and have a cigarette. Yes, a cigarette and don’t look at me like that, Ike. When I come back, you two had better be done with your bitch fight enough for us to continue,” Taylor said, storming out the door before either of them had the chance to make a smartass comment. He knew they wouldn’t listen to him, but he didn’t care. All he wanted was to put a Marlboro between his lips and light it.
He perched himself on the steps in the back alley of the studio, letting the constant sounds of the busy city keep his thoughts at bay. When he heard the door open behind him, he assumed that it was either Zac or Isaac there to pull him back down to work, but when the intruder sat down beside him and snatched the cigarette from his fingers, he saw Kayla’s face instead. Though his brothers would have stubbed out the cigarette and scolded him for the habit, Kayla simply took a drag before handing it back. It had become a routine for them over the last few months. Taylor smoked and she bummed a few drags, claiming it kept her from fully starting the habit once more.
“You look more pissed than usual,” she told him, watching his face as he stared at the empty space before him, “Creative differences?”
“This morning, I told Natalie that I want a divorce,” he replied, startling her to the point that she actually gasped aloud.
“Taylor, you didn’t,” she said softly.
“You had to know this was coming,” he shrugged, “If anyone knew it was you. I’ve been talking to you about it for a month now.”
“Yeah, but Jesus… I didn’t think you’d actually do it. I mean, this isn’t just an average run of the mill divorce.”
“Trust me, I know that. We’ve got three kids and-“
“And a shitload of fans who love Natalie,” Kayla sighed, “I’m really sorry about all of this, Taylor. You shouldn’t have to go through it. You’re a good person.”
“So is she. We’re just not good together. And staying together for the kids isn’t helping anything. I don’t want my children growing up thinking that it’s normal for their parents to sleep in different beds, that it’s right when parents hardly even look at each other. I won’t let them think that.”
“Wow…” was all Kayla could think to reply. She took the cigarette back from him, finding that she needed another drag immediately. Her fingers brushed his as they exchanged the rapidly shortening Marlboro. They finished the rest in silence and as Taylor fished in his pocket from the pack, he spoke again.
“She thinks we’re having an affair.”
“What? Why does she think that?” Kayla demanded, aghast at Taylor’s statement.
“Probably because she sees how well we get along,” he shrugged, lighting up a second cigarette for them to share.
“But I only see you at work,” Kayla said.
“And the couple times we’ve gone out for a drink.”
“But your brothers came with us!”
“It doesn’t matter, Kayla,” Taylor said, “She’s going to think what she wants. And right now, she apparently needs to blame someone else for our own problems instead of owning up to them.”
“That’s shitty,” Kayla whispered.
“Yes, it’s shitty but it’s our reality now,” he replied, “And we’re going to have to handle it.”
“How do we handle something like this? Do we stop talking to each other? Because I don’t think I can do that.”
“Absolutely not,” Taylor replied, bravely reaching over to pat her knee, “But we do need to talk about it. Because I don’t think she’s completely wrong.”
“But we haven’t done anything, Taylor! I think you just touching my knee was the first time we’ve touched ever besides a handshake.”
“That doesn’t mean we haven’t thought about it,” he said, pausing to look her in the eye, “I know I have.”
“Taylor, don’t…”
“If you’re not ready to talk about it, then that’s fine. But I refuse to believe that after all of the hours we’ve spent talking and all of the things we’ve shared that you’ve never thought about what it would be like to be with me. I mean, we have fun together. You make me laugh, you look at me when you talk to me, and when I’m with you, I don’t have to pretend to be anything other than who I am or act like I’m feeling anything other than what I am right when I’m feeling it.”
“Taylor, please tell me you didn’t leave your wife for me,” she said, reaching over and gripping his hand tightly until he answered her.
“Kayla, I did not leave Natalie for you. I left her because it’s the right thing to do. All I’m saying is that now we can finally talk about what we’ve both known we couldn’t talk about.” Before Kayla could respond, the door banged open loudly and a very angry looking Isaac and Zac stood on the other side.
“When were you planning on telling us that you’re getting a divorce?” Isaac demanded.
“How did you find out?” Taylor asked.
“Well, Zac just got a hysterical phone call from Kate, that’s how.”
“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t talk about it yet,” Taylor said.
“You told her, though, didn’t you?” Zac asked, nodding his head in Kayla’s direction.
“I should go,” Kayla said nervously, looking back and forth between all three brothers before standing and waiting for Isaac and Zac to move aside so she could reenter the building.
“Is there a reason why you’re being a dick to her? She has nothing to do with it,” Taylor said, standing to face his brothers.
“Nothing to do with it?” Zac demanded, “You’re having an affair with her, so yeah Taylor, that means she has something to do with it.”
“I’m not having an affair with her, Zac!”
“Well, you and Natalie weren’t having any problems until she came along!”
“Yes they were, Zac,” Isaac butted in, “And if Taylor says they’re not having an affair, then we need to believe him because we all know that Natalie isn’t going to.”
“I can’t believe this,” Zac muttered, turning around abruptly and going back to the studio.
“God, you’d think his marriage is falling apart the way he’s acting,” Taylor sighed, dropping the cigarette to the ground and stepping on it before following Isaac back in.
“Well, he’s married to Natalie’s best friend so it’s going to suck for him, too.”
“I’m really sorry, Isaac. I know this is bad timing, but-“ Isaac put his hand on Taylor’s shoulder to stop him.
“Taylor, you’ll get through it and so will we.”
“I hope so,” Taylor said, wanting desperately to believe Isaac’s words.