Kennedy
I was an idiot.
Over our ten year friendship, Russ had told me this countless times. I made a note to listen to him in the future.
After signing up for eHarmony, I came upon the Questionnaire. Amid mass panic I decided to enlist Russ’ help to get me through answering these questions. I mean what kind of dating site asks you to rate if you think you could describe yourself as stable?
Obviously that was the biggest mistake I could have made.
My quiet attempt to just see what the online dating scene was all about was quickly becoming my best friend’s new obsession. No matter how much I tried to stop him, it seemed as if there was going to be three of us involved in this escapade.
A beep sounded to indicate that I had received a new e-mail. There was a brief moment when my survival instincts chose flight, but as I heard the sound of hurried footsteps, I knew the choice was no longer mine.
“Is it your matches?” The eager face of my currently slacking employee appeared around the door.
“Do you not have customers to help? A shop to watch? Delivery to put out? Anything that means you can quit bugging me?” I snapped. This attempt at dating was doing nothing for my mood and ironically I’d listed myself as a 7 (which equals very) calm on my personality section. Russ made a dive for control of my laptop before I knew what was happening.
“Ooooooh five matches already.” I swear his voice got higher every time we encountered the next stage of eHarmony.
“Move aside Russ, this is my dating life not yours,” I puffed, shoving him aside with the help of a few well placed elbows, “Although, if you carry on the way you have been you might as well meet up with whoever I pick instead.”
Any retort he was about to shoot back died in his throat when we saw the little notification that informed us one of my matches had already requested communication with me.
I ignored the name in the e-mail and decided that I wanted to see all my options first. Part of me thought it was my way of chickening out of actually taking this any further where as another part was just curious to see if I would select the same guy that had chosen me.
I scanned their profiles, remembering my horror when I found out you had to sell yourself to other matches via a few designated pieces of information the website asked you for. I seriously questioned my sanity when I realised I was choosing my potential life partner depending on which five things he couldn’t live without.
As I clicked on my final match, I considered the four profiles I had already seen. They were good looking guys around my age, successful in their careers and looking to find someone to settle down with yet I was missing that feeling. The feeling that you have known this person forever, that you could sit there for hours and talk without really discussing anything. The person that could see you when you first woke up, hair sticking up at random angles and with your worn out old t-shirts on and still find you attractive enough to greet you with a kiss. The person that you allowed to see the damaged part of your soul, share your hurt with and connect to in a way that made you feel nothing could touch you in that moment.
No, none of those guys were that guy.
“This one probably has facial warts.” Russ’ voice broke through my thoughts.
I turned to give the website my attention, a look of confusing crossing my features until I realised he was referring to the lack of picture of the last profile.
“You can just click off this now then. No picture definitely means some kind of cyber freak.” I was firm but Russ was no longer listening.
“Ken, this guy is like the male version of you.” I hated that stupid attempt at a nickname that conjured up images of my childhood dolls. My male childhood dolls, may I add.
“Do not call me Ken and turn that off now, you should be getting back to work.” I hardly ever played the boss card partly because Russ was a hard worker but mainly because I knew he rarely listened anyway. He was invaluable to me and he knew it.
“I’ll leave you in peace if you promise just to read his profile.” He knew that I would agree just to be left alone.
So I did.
Russ had been right. On paper we would be perfect. He was sarcastic, funny and dedicated to his family. We had a lot in common but enough differences to make sure that we didn’t melt into one unidentifiable person. In short, he sounded like exactly what I was looking for.
Obviously something had to be wrong with him.
I went back to the e-mail telling me that I already had someone interested in my profile and decided that I would just accept this person and forget about Mr. No Picture, or Zac as his profile said.
Scanning the e-mail for the name of the person who had chosen me, I knew before I had finished reading. It was Zac that had contacted me.
It wasn’t that looks mattered hugely to me, I believed that once you go on with a person in the way that I knew Zac and I would that the person became more attractive to you, it was his motive for not including a picture that worried me.
I had committed myself to this dating site and as a result had endured Russ taking an hour and a half to take seven pictures of me before he declared he’d got the ‘money’ shot.
I was against a picture at first but after hearing Russ repeat, for what felt like the hundredth time, that eHarmony advised using a picture as people with pictures got twice the amount of matches than those that did not I caved.
A profile without a picture was probably a group of guys that were seeing how many desperate women they could hook with a fake man.
Or an old, overweight recluse that still lived with his mum that was lying in an attempt to get a woman.
I was already mentally running through the guys I had seen on the journey to work this morning. I wondered if I had already seen Zac, maybe I passed him everyday.
“He was your communication wasn’t he?” So much for alone time.
“Yes.”
“Go for it, Kennedy. Seriously, I’m sorry for what I said before, I was just kidding. No, hear me out,” I shut my mouth, “He may be a weirdo. He may be touching himself at your picture but you deserve someone special and it’s only guided communication at first so it can’t hurt. Talk to him, get to know him and then ask him why he hasn’t got a picture. See how it goes and if any better matches come along with a hot picture you can always ditch him for something better.”
“Are you ever wrong?” I smiled.
“Once, when I was 17. Remember? I got those highlights.”