Taylor felt immensely better having Flannery back on his side, especially at a time when he needed her more than ever: the dreaded family dinner at Isaac’s house. They did this once a month, and it unfortunately fell less than a week after their latest altercation. He was under the impression that their parents and other siblings were going to be joining them, so he told Flannery to tag along since his mom looked forward to any chance to see her and also to put her in choice comments that she didn’t understand why she and Taylor couldn’t just get together once and for all. If only she knew how improbable that possibility really was.
“If Isaac brings up my situation in front of my parents, I’m castrating him with the nearest pointy object,” Taylor announced to Flannery as they drove towards Isaac’s.
“Do you really think he’d do that?” she asked. She had been listening to Taylor have this same conversation with himself for the last hour and was more than sick of it. “And plus, if you decide that you are in fact gay, then they’re going to find out eventually, right?”
“It’s just none of their business until I figure it out. If I figure it out. I’m just so confused,” he sighed, fighting the urge to beat his face against the steering wheel.
“I know you are, but really, we have to figure out a better course of action. Sitting around and moping about it isn’t going to solve anything.”
“What am I supposed to do? Please enlighten me, O Enlightened One,” he mocked.
“Um… go have sex with some guys and sex with some girls and see which one you like more?” she suggested, knowing it was a ridiculous response, but finding herself completely unable to come up with anything better.
“Yeah, that’s a great idea, Flannery. I’ll just go have a bunch of random, awkward one-night stands,” he rolled his eyes.
“Well I don’t know! You’re the one with the issue… you figure out the road to a solution and I’ll just be there to back you up.” Taylor sighed and turned onto Isaac’s street, his eyebrows furrowing as he saw three cars in the driveway, none of which was his parents’.
“Where are my parents?” he asked rhetorically, something Flannery picked up on and didn’t even bother to offer an answer. “They’re usually here a good hour before Zac and I show up.” For some reason, the lack of his parents’ car in the driveway made his stomach churn. Something was definitely not right, and he wished he knew what was going on. Per his conversation with Isaac the night before, Taylor had been led to believe that their entire family would be gathering for a casual meal of pizza so they could spend their time catching up and spending time together instead of cooking, doing dishes, etc.
They got out of his car and headed for the front door, and as Taylor’s foot hit the door mat, he narrowed his eyes at the door, ready for whatever was about to be thrown at him. He had suddenly remembered that right before they’d hung up, Isaac had asked him if he was “still insisting on annoying everyone by being confused about his sexual orientation,” which Taylor had promptly replied to with a resounding expletive-filled response.
“This could get ugly… you realize that, right?” he asked Flannery. She nodded up at him and reached over to give his hand a reassuring squeeze.
“I think I could take Ikey down,” she said. Taylor laughed aloud despite the nervousness circulating through him.
“I think you could, too,” he said before taking a deep breath and turning the doorknob, pushing it open and stepping boldly over the threshold.
“Taylor?” Isaac asked from the living room, “Is that you?”
“No, I’m you’re mail order bride from Russia,” he said blandly, giving Flannery a “please kill me” look before heading in to find him and whoever else was in the house. They found Isaac, his girlfriend Ellie, Zac, his girlfriend Sheridan, and a blonde male stranger seated in the living room. Taylor stopped short at the doorway and Flannery almost ran straight into his back as she was unable to see the scene within.
“Jesus, Taylor! What are you doing?” she asked, trying to shove him through.
“I thought this was a family dinner,” Taylor said, finally stepping inside so Flannery could see who was inside.
“Yeah… slight change of plans,” Isaac said.
“We were just leaving,” Sheridan said, gesturing to herself and Ellie, “Don’t worry, you couldn’t pay me to stay here for this.”
“I’m leaving?” Ellie asked her, prompting Taylor to stare at her in disbelief and shake his head.
“Yes, we’re leaving, Ellie. Let’s go,” Sheridan said, rolling her eyes slightly before giving Zac a borderline inappropriate kiss goodbye.
“I guess I’m leaving,” Ellie shrugged with a smile before kissing the corner of Isaac’s mouth, “Bye, baby!”
“I’ll come over later,” Isaac told her, smiling as she and Sheridan left the room, Sheridan bumping her shoulder hard into Taylor’s as she passed.
“Bitch,” he muttered under his breath. Though he could have imagined it, he swears to this day that she called him a fag right back. He glared over his shoulder and then kept the glare on his face as he swung his head back around to look at his brothers and the still unknown stranger.
“Okay, what’s going on?” Taylor asked.
“Taylor, this is Adrian Cohen,” Isaac said. The blonde guy stood and came over to Taylor, hand extended in what was supposed to be a greeting manner. Taylor tried his hardest to be friendly while still letting his brothers know that whatever they were up to, he wasn’t a fan of. Were they trying to set him up with Adrian just to prove a point? Because even though Taylor wasn’t sure if he gay or not, he knew that Adrian wasn’t his type, whatever it could be. He shook Adrian’s hand and then took a small step back, finding himself shoulder to shoulder with Flannery again.
“Okay… and why is Adrian here?” Taylor asked as nicely as he could. Adrian just continued to stand there and smile at Taylor, making him increasingly uncomfortable.
“He’s a life coach and I’ve hired him to help you through this… whatever it is,” Isaac said almost dismissively.
“What the fuck is a life coach?” Flannery asked, immediately clapping her hand over her mouth and looking like she wanted to die on the spot. She had definitely not meant to say it aloud, but now it was out there and as badly as Taylor wanted to laugh at it, he was far too pissed off to do so.
“I’m actually a transitional life coach. I help people successfully go through changes in their life. Isaac thought I could help you-”
“What? Not be gay?” Taylor asked, basically ignoring Adrian and wishing a big shiny anvil would fall directly on Isaac’s big head.
“I’m just here to help you through this time, Taylor. I’d really like it if we could talk alone so we can get started as soon as possible,” Adrian said politely.
“I drove Flannery here, so that’s really not possible,” Taylor said, knowing that his reasoning wasn’t exactly sound, but not wanting to go anywhere alone with this guy hired by his brother.
“I can drive her home,” Zac offered. Flannery looked wide-eyed at Taylor and he tried his hardest to tell her telepathically that he needed to do this to get his brothers off his back. “It’s basically on my way back to my apartment.”
“Okay…” Flannery consented.
“Let’s go then,” Adrian smiled, rubbing his hands together, “Thanks, Isaac, for your hospitality. I’ll be in touch.”
“Don’t you have a car?” Taylor asked before he could stop himself. Adrian just laughed before putting on his aviators.
“Yeah right. People drive me,” he said, slipping into his real personality now that they were out of Isaac’s earshot. Taylor ignored the comment and headed to his car, unlocking it with the remote and heading for the driver’s side.
“Nice ride,” Adrian stated before slipping into the passenger’s seat. Taylor took a deep breath before getting in. “So, what’s the deal?”
“I don’t know. You’re the one getting paid, shouldn’t you be telling me?” Taylor smiled despite himself.
“No, friend. This is all about you. I’m here to help you get to the next stage in your life, whatever that might be. Straight, gay, I don’t give a shit, as long as you make a decision in an emotionally safe way, then I’ve done my job.”
“I sincerely doubt my brother hired you to help me possibly determine that I’m gay.”
“Your brother is a bigoted assbag,” Adrian announced, “He wants you to get over your ‘I might be gay’ business so you can get on with your real business. He wants it to happen without anyone else finding out. Am I breaching some kind of code by telling you that? Yeah, probably, but I think you need to know.” Taylor looked at Adrian out of the corner of his eye and thought that he might actually be able to like and trust him.
“Well, thanks for that. And, I’m very well aware of the fact that Isaac is an assbag.”
“How does his girlfriend even have a driver’s license? There can’t be three active brain cells in her head,” Adrian laughed, and Taylor almost snorted at the comment. It was nice to have someone else realize that Ellie was in fact the biggest moron he’d ever met in his life.
“I have no idea. Isaac’s way too smart to be dating a pair of boobs.” Adrian thought for a second before turning in his seat to face Taylor.
“Test number one. Do you like boobs, Taylor?” he asked. Taylor made a face at him.
“I love boobies as much as the next guy.”
“Boobies? You don’t even use the acceptable terminology. Tits, breasts, knockers, boobs… never boobies. Only gay guys and five-year-olds use that word.”
“Oh well, gee. I must be gay then, huh?” Taylor sassed before turning onto his street.
“Well, if you didn’t like hooters, then I’d say you definitely were.”
“Hooters?” Taylor chuckled.
“Yes, Taylor. Hooters. Get over it. Oh, is that your place?” he asked. Taylor suddenly suspected that Adrian was one severe case of undiagnosed ADHD when he again changed the subject. “So, how long have you known Flannery?”
“Six years, and we’ve basically been best friends since the first day we met. It just kind of worked, you know?”
“So, why didn’t you ever date?” Taylor hated that question. He had never understood why being friends wasn’t enough for people. Why did a guy and a girl have to date to reach the peak of their relationship in most people’s eyes? Why couldn’t some people just accept the fact that they were going to be friends and nothing more?
“We just never wanted to. We’re not each other’s type, I guess,” Taylor shrugged.
“Because she has a vagina?” Adrian asked. Taylor sighed and turned into his driveway.
“No. I’ve been plenty attracted to many women, and yes… they all had vaginas,” Taylor stated.
“Yeah? So do post-op trannies.”
“Is this really supposed to be helping me?” Taylor asked.
“Of course not. I need to get to know you so I can start to help you. I’ll just need to take a look around you apartment, see who you are. I want to know what makes Taylor Hanson tick,” he said cheesily before exiting the vehicle. Taylor practically had to run to catch up with him as Adrian had already made his way to the door and was inspecting everything from the big plastic storage tubs to the neatly wound spools of Christmas lights stack on shelves on the opposite side of the garage.
“Well… what do you need to see?” Taylor asked as he unlocked the door that led from his garage to his condo. He had a two car garage, only one side of which was empty as he had the other side piled full of boxes of stuff he’d never bothered to unpack. He really was a terrible packrat and had things from years ago, old homework assignments and menus from restaurants that went out of business when he was fifteen that he just couldn’t bring himself to part with. He knew that it was a problem, but he also knew that he lived alone and didn’t really affect anyone else; so therefore, he made no efforts to go through anything in hopes of lessening the piles.
“Whatever you want to show me. Baby pictures, movie collections… whatever. I just need to get a little insight,” Adrian replied, absorbing everything around him. He saw Taylor’s clean, yet stylish décor, the rich tones he had painted the walls in each room, and finally, the stack of Queer as Folk DVDs sitting on the kitchen table, ready to be given back to Flannery.
“And now what is this?” he asked, rapping his knuckle lightly against the surface of the top box. Taylor cursed under his breath and almost found himself wishing he’d put them away before he’d left. But then he remembered that never in his wildest imagination could he have thought that he’d wind up back at his condo with a life coach hired by his brother to make him comfortably straight once again.
“Flannery loaned them to me,” he said, not quite telling the truth, but finding his response good enough.
“Don’t lie, Taylor, it doesn’t suit you,” Adrian said, “Rule number one: Never lie to me. Mainly because I’ll be able to tell and it’ll just piss me off. Also because it’s not going to help you get anywhere. When it’s just you and me talking, just be honest because that’s the only way we’re going to get you straightened out. Ha! Straightened out…” He seemed to find himself quite funny and Taylor supposed for the most part that he was right. He followed the practical stranger around as he snooped through his apartment, checking out book titles and clothing labels. Taylor really didn’t see how that was supposed to help him in his job, but he let him do it anyway. Adrian had to be at least somewhat legitimate or Isaac wouldn’t have spent the money on him.
After Adrian had apparently looked around enough, he motioned for Taylor to join him at the kitchen table. Taylor took a moment to remove the DVDs and set them on the counter before sitting down across from the person who was supposed to help him figure out his life.
“Well Taylor, I have some things we can start with that I think will help you to start making some decisions. We basically have to start by immersing you in the gay culture here in Tulsa, which isn’t necessarily thriving, but it’s not completely absent either. You have to trust that I wouldn’t ask you to do anything that would put you in the public eye or will get you on the cover of tabloids, but you will have to go to some gay establishments. There’s no way you can make a decision as to whether or not you’re a homo or a hetero unless you’ve had a taste of both worlds. Are you with me so far?” Taylor didn’t even have the time to respond before Adrian continued. And it was probably a good thing that he didn’t have time, because he probably would have objected to at least part of his little speech. “In our time together, I’m going to have to insist that you do whatever I ask. You’re not going to like some of what you have to do… or at least we’re going to hope that you don’t like some of what you have to do or otherwise we’re not going to make any progress. But regardless of how long it takes, I want you to know that I’m going to help you through the whole process, whether your brother continues to pay me or not.”
“And if he doesn’t then I’ll have to pay you, right?” Taylor said.
“Well of course. You think I just help people out for the goodness of it? Who do I look like, Angelina Jolie?” Adrian asked, standing and putting on his sunglasses once more, “I’ll be here to tomorrow night at nine to get you ready for our first real session. It’s just going to be you and me for this one, so leave your potential fag hag at home. Peace.” And with that he was gone from the room and out the front door. Taylor had no idea how Adrian planned to get home, but had the sneaking suspicion that he already had it figured out. Taylor felt completely overwhelmed by the mass of somewhat scary information that he just been thrust into his head. What the hell was Adrian going to make him do and where the hell was he taking him tomorrow night? Taylor could only think of one thing to say, so he said it out loud.
“Well… fuck.”