“So, how was it?” Flannery asked. She was turned completely sideways in her usual recliner, looking at Taylor anxiously with a bag of movie theater popcorn in her lap.
“It was… interesting,” Taylor said. And if he wanted to be honest with himself, that was all he had been willing to say about the night since it had happened two evenings before. He hadn’t yet admitted that he’d had fun or that having Dominic look at him that way had sparked something deep within him. He hadn’t been ready, but looking at Flannery who was looking at him with so much excitement and support, he knew that he could finally start to be honest, both with others and with himself. “I got a phone number.”
“Shut up! You did not!” she grinned, chucking a handful of popcorn at him.
“Yes I did, and don’t make a mess. I just cleaned today,” he scolded, picking up each kernel before settling back in.
“Who’s number? Was he hot? Did you make out with him?”
“Dominic, yeah I think he was, and no I did not,” Taylor replied, answer each of her questions in succession.
“Dominic? Dominic who?” she asked.
“Just Dominic. Apparently he’s like a supermodel or something according to Adrian.”
“You mean Dominic? Like, Calvin Klein underwear model Dominic?” she managed to say with her jaw dropped, “Shaggy blonde hair, insanely gorgeous body?” Taylor thought about it for a second before nodding.
“Sounds about right,” he said, “Calvin Klein? Really? I thought Adrian was just messing with me.”
“No. If he’s who I think he is… damn. You’re not even sure if you’re gay and you have like, the hottest gay guy in the world hitting on you. Does that help with your decision at all?” she asked.
“I really don’t think I would have been so… into things if I hadn’t been so wasted. It would have been too much too fast,” he said honestly, digging into his own bag.
“Well, at least you went and gave it your best, right?” she offered. Taylor laughed and relaxed back into the soft black leather.
“I guess I did. I hope I can be less drunk next time.”
“So there will be a next time?” she asked hesitantly, as if the question would spook him into silence. Taylor thought about it hard for a moment. It was true that the experience hadn’t been entirely horrible, but he also hadn’t really experienced it due to his incredibly intoxicated nature. He knew that a repeat visit to Xcape was both necessary and probable. He needed to go back and meet people without a quarter of a bottle of bourbon snaking through his system. He needed to find out if he had really been attracted to Dominic, or if he had just been excited to get hit on and appreciative of Dominic’s obvious good looks and physique.
“Yeah, I think I need to go back,” he admitted, “I think it’ll be good for me. I need to face this thing head on, right? I mean, how can I say that I think I might be gay if I don’t… try it. You know?”
“You want me to come with you? Be your wingwoman?” she laughed.
“I think you’d stick out like a sore thumb at Xcape, not having a penis and all.”
“Oh come on! Daphne went to Babylon with Justin on Queer As Folk!” Flannery exclaimed.
“Is that the only reason you want me to explore this? Because you’re desperate to be a fag hag?” Taylor asked, wavering somewhere dangerously between jest and seriousness.
“No no no! God, I’m sorry I made it sound like that. I was just trying to point out that if you needed me there, I’d be there,” she said soothingly, going over to sit on the arm of his recliner and running her fingers through is hair comfortingly. “I thought we talked about your hair.” Taylor rolled his eyes and made like he was going to push her off but hugged her close instead.
“I’m scared,” he whispered into her neck.
“I know,” she answered. She hadn’t needed him to elaborate. She knew that he was scared of being gay. He was scared of being straight. He was scared of exploring it, but he was more scared of not. He was scared of how the fans would react, and he was scared of how they would react if they found out he’d hidden it from them instead of coming clean. He was scared of everything involved in what he was going through and she knew that no matter how hard she tried, she’d never be able to understand even half of what he was going through.
They sat there in silence for a few moments before Taylor finally pulled back from her embrace.
“Did Adrian call you this morning?” he asked her. She raised an eyebrow at him before returning to her own chair.
“No. Was he supposed to?”
“Well, he called me today and asked me to be at Finnigan’s at six for dinner, which says to me that I’m having dinner with my asshole brothers, since that’s the only place we ever go out to eat,” Taylor explained.
“If it’s something Adrian arranged, then it’s probably a good thing for you, right?” Taylor shrugged, not wanting to admit that Adrian had really been there for him last night and had taken care of both him and his beloved car. He wanted to be annoyed with Adrian for forcing him into awkward situations against his will, even though so far he’d been right about pretty much everything. Since he had been about fourteen years old, he’d almost always been right with his brothers, his business associates, and whoever else came across his path. He’d been making his own decisions on his own terms for a very long time, and knowing that he was no longer the best person to be in charge of his choices was a terrifying thought. So, he stuck out his bottom lip and turned his attention to the TV, ignoring Flannery’s comment altogether.
“I just don’t want to see them. They’re no help. Isaac will just stare at me disapprovingly at me and Zac’ll be trying to take pictures up Tatum’s skirt with his camera phone.”
“Tatum?” Flannery asked. Taylor rolled his eyes and sighed.
“Tatum, the waitress at Finnigan’s who hits on us, especially me, every time we go in there.”
“Ohhh. The slutty girl who’s always slipping you her number. Got it.” Taylor just shrugged and continued to watch whatever show Flannery had insisted on. Tatum had been trying to have sex with Taylor ever since the guys started going to Finnigan’s a little over a year ago. She was only nineteen and yet had apparently slept with pretty much every male staff member at the restaurant and before he had met Sheridan, Zac had even conceded to having sex with her in his car after her shift one night. He had claimed it was one of the best lays he’d ever had and Taylor just couldn’t imagine how he hadn’t contracted a raging case of crabs from the occasion.
“Anyways, I’m supposed to be there at six. I’m really looking forward to it,” he lied, a vacant expression occupying his face. Flannery just sat back and looked at him out of her peripheral vision. She was worried about it, especially since she couldn’t be there. Isaac had a tendency to be really hard on Taylor, and she knew that having someone be unforgiving was basically the last thing he needed at the moment. They finished watching the newest episode of “The Office” on TiVo, and then Flannery left Taylor to take a shower.
He got ready quickly, throwing on some jeans and a plain white t-shirt before leaving. He was certainly not in the mood to impress anyone, and knew that dressing inconspicuously was good, especially if the conversation went awry as he was expecting it to. More than anything, he wanted his brothers to be supportive, but he knew that not even Adrian could work miracles.
Taylor strolled into the restaurant at five after six and spotted his brothers and Adrian seated at a back corner booth, far away from Finnigan’s other patrons. His fingers nervously fiddled with his keys as he made his way over and his legs wanted to turn around and walk right back out. Adrian caught sight of him and sent a big, cheesy smile in his direction. Isaac also spotted him, but just shook his head. Taylor couldn’t imagine what Isaac’s problem was. It wasn’t as if he was wearing a giant rainbow colored cape and prancing around like a fool. He was just walking, quite normally, across the expansive room.
“You’re late. As always,” Isaac said in his typically friendly way. Taylor dropped his keys loudly onto the table before sitting down next to Zac, who was actually looking at the menu instead of his cell phone for once.
“And you’re an asshole. As always,” Taylor responded. He knew that he was being defensive, but since he felt like he was stepping into the lion’s den, he didn’t much care what anyone else thought of his behavior. “So, why am I here?”
“I thought that it would be good if everyone had a chance to air their grievances,” Adrian explained.
“What the hell, is it Festivus or something?” Taylor asked, unable to stop himself from drawing attention to the rather obvious “Seinfeld” reference in Adrian’s statement.
“Very funny. I’m serious. And I chose this place because it’s a neutral location where no one can run into their rooms and slam the door. Being here will require you all to remain calm and to maintain a professional façade. Even if you want to scream at each other, you can’t, and I made sure of that.” Taylor tried not to look impressed at Adrian’s planning, because he still didn’t fully want to trust him. That, and he wasn’t sure that Isaac would be able to keep to Adrian’s rules. “So, I’ll go ahead and start. I just want someone to begin by saying something that they want to get off their chest about this situation, whether it’s a complaint, or a comment, or a question. It doesn’t matter as long as it’s done in a respectful way. Consider this an all-family intervention.”
“All-family?” Isaac asked.
“Yes, you’re all handling this deplorably, and I think that you all probably have plenty that you’d like to say to each other,” Adrian stated. Isaac was offended, Taylor shook his head, and Zac continued to stare at the beer list on the back of the menu. Adrian sighed and reached across the table to yank it from Zac’s hands without warning. “Would you please join us, Zachary?”
“Fine, but I don’t really see why I have to be here,” Zac responded, folding his hands on top of the table.
“And why is that?” Adrian asked.
“Because I don’t really give a shit.”
“That’s lovely, Zac,” Adrian replied, rolling his eyes slightly, “And why don’t you care?”
“Because no matter what he says, he’s not really gay and I don’t understand why everyone’s making such a big deal out of it. If he wants to experiment a little, then fine. As long as the press doesn’t find out, I don’t really care.”
“I’m not experimenting, Zac. I’m serious about this,” Taylor said, frowning at his younger brother.
“How can you be serious about it? You’ve been straight for forever! People don’t just become gay!”
“Can I say something?” Isaac asked. Taylor let his head drop forward into his hands. Now things were going to get interesting.
“Oh please. I’m just dying to hear your opinion again, Ike,” Taylor said, each word muffled by his fingers.
“Good, because you’re going to listen. Without even getting into the fact that we’ve been taught our whole lives that homosexuality is a sin, I just don’t understand how you can do this to our careers. Do you have any idea what it’s going to do to our fan base if everyone finds out that you’ve been going to gay bars and that you’re ‘experimenting’ with guys?” Isaac asked, making little quotation marks with his fingers when he said ‘experimenting,’ a habit he’d had for a long time that usually just made Taylor want to pound his fist into Isaac’s face. This time was no exception.
“Well, for starters, I think that the fans would be appreciative of the fact that I was upfront and honest. And I don’t plan on making any statements until I make a decision, and only if my decision warrants a statement. I’m not going to go on TV and be like ‘Well fans. I’ve been really confused for the last few months, but I’m straight, so no need to keep on speculating about my sexuality!’ or something. I care about the business we’ve built and the music we make and I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that. But I’ll also be damned if I’m going to be forced to not be myself just because you don’t approve, Isaac.”
“Taylor! The very fact that you’re confused is what leads me to the knowledge that you’re not gay. If you were gay, then you’d know, you wouldn’t have to think about it. Honestly, how long are you going to keep this up? It’s just asinine.”
“Mmm. I’ll give her ass a nine,” Zac blurted, staring at Tatum as she bent over slightly to put someone’s order into the computer. The other three occupants of the table just stared at him for several seconds.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Taylor finally asked, actually grateful for Zac’s outburst as it had drawn attention away from him.
“She’s just so hot,” Zac muttered.
“You already fucked her, and probably have about twenty communicable diseases from it. And you have a girlfriend,” Taylor said, though he knew that the fact that Zac was in a relationship wouldn’t stop him from sleeping with someone if he really wanted to.
“Yeah, I know. It was just so good,” Zac answered, still staring at her across the room.
“Somewhere a village is missing its idiot,” Adrian said under his breath, rubbing his eyes. He was very well aware of the fact that his intervention wasn’t going as planned because of the cast of cartoon characters he was being forced to work with. Zac was a walking hard on, Isaac was unbelievably cold, and Taylor was a human enigma. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, watching while the siblings continued to bicker about Zac’s philandering.
“Sheridan would cut your dick off if she knew that you were evening thinking about having sex with Tatum again,” Isaac said.
“She would not,” Zac defended, “She’s not like other girls.”
“Yeah, she’s pure, unbridled evil rolled into a slutty blonde frame,” Taylor said, causing Zac to punch him hard in the arm.
“Shut the fuck up, Taylor!”
“No, she’s never been anything other than a bitch to me and I can’t believe that you make us all be around her all the time.”
“She really is awful, Zac,” Isaac chimed in.
“Yeah, like you’re one to talk, Isaac. Ellie’s so stupid she’s basically just a real life blow-up doll or something.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, I guess I just mean that there’s absolutely nothing going on in that head of hers and you’re just dating her because she’s cute and you like to have sex with her. Which makes her a sexual object, much like a blow-up doll,” Taylor explained. Isaac just glared at him before getting up dramatically and storming out of the restaurant. Zac, who was utterly unable to make a decision for himself, shoved Taylor until he got up and followed in Isaac’s path, leaving Taylor and Adrian alone at the booth.
“Well, that went well,” Adrian said, forcing a smile onto his face.
“Yeah, it was really helpful, Adrian. Thanks so much. I’m feeling much closer to my brothers now,” Taylor spat before turning to leave as well. So much for trusting Adrian.