“Dude, did you fuck her?” Zac asked as he sat across from Taylor at Isaac’s dining room table. Taylor sighed and sipped his black coffee. He had known this conversation would come up eventually, but he hadn’t expected it to be the first sentence out of his oversexed brother’s mouth. The last thing he wanted to do was admit to his brothers that having sex with Tatum had done absolutely nothing for him and that he hadn’t even gotten an orgasm out of the deal. The fact that Tatum hadn’t even noticed only solidified his suspicion that she was some kind of nympho, and again, he felt his stomach churn. His hangover was epic, but he wasn’t sure if it was just the alcohol he’d consumed or if part of it was just an overwhelming reaction to the disgust he was feeling with himself. He’d been so desperate to prove to his brothers that he was straight that he’d slept with the one girl he’d always sworn he wouldn’t do that with. He’d severely compromised both his dignity and his potential sexual health all to show that he was in fact a heterosexual.
“Yeah, I fucked her, as you so eloquently put it,” Taylor answered, not wanting to make direct eye contact with either of them. He knew that Zac would want to share notes about what a great lay she was and that Isaac would be imagining spraying him down with Lysol.
“All right, man! I knew you weren’t a homo,” Zac laughed and Taylor blanched outwardly.
“Why would you say that?” Taylor asked.
“What do you mean?” Zac asked, still laughing lightly, “I meant exactly what I said.”
“You’re the one who has been accusing me of being gay for years! I saw what you posted about me on that LiveJournal thread, you asshole!” Taylor shouted.
“What’s he talking about?” Isaac asked Zac.
“I posted on some stupid thread about us about how Taylor’s probably gay. It was a joke, Taylor. Go purchase a sense of humor, please.”
“As if I don’t get it from enough sources, the last thing I need is my own brother spreading rumors about me. If you didn’t think I was gay then why would you do that?” Zac rolled his eyes and cupped his hands around his mouth, creating an obnoxious homemade megaphone.
“It. Was. A. Joke! What’s your problem?” Zac asked.
“My problem is you, both of you! No matter how I might seem now, this whole situation has been really hard on me and neither of you has been supportive at all. I don’t care if it goes against what we were taught to believe, and I really don’t care if it creeps you out. It’s my life and I needed the support of my brothers. Instead of getting that, all I got was rude comments and disapproving stares. Both of you have done a lot of things in the past that I didn’t approve of, but I kept my mouth shut because you’re my brothers. So fuck both of you,” Taylor exclaimed, but he didn’t run away like he wanted to. He sat there and stared right back at his brothers while they looked at him in disbelief.
“Zac,” Isaac started, “You shouldn’t be posting anything on LiveJournal posts about us, especially not lies. We complain all the time about how our fans get a little crazy with the rumors and what exactly did you think you were accomplishing by doing that?” Zac just sat there for a second.
“Fine. It was Sheridan, not me, okay? Sheridan wrote it, and at the time I thought it was funny. It happened before Taylor started going through all of his whatever-it-was,” Zac admitted.
“Zac, I know that Sheridan has you under some kind of evil succubus voodoo curse or something, but she is an awful person and you really shouldn’t be dating her,” Isaac said.
“She called me a fag to my face,” Taylor said, finally able to admit that she had actually said that to him. He’d wanted very badly to believe that she hadn’t said it, but now that he knew that she was the one to post the gay comment about him on LJ, he knew that it was true.
“She freaking hates you, Taylor. I have no idea why,” Zac said.
“Maybe because she’s an ignorant bitch?” Taylor suggested, shoving his coffee cup away in disgust. The smell of the bitter liquid wasn’t helping his nausea subside and neither was this conversation, but he knew that it was a good one to be having, especially since it seemed as though Isaac was on his side for once.
“I know that, she’s just really hot and the sex is really good,” Zac shrugged.
“Who gives a shit, Zac? If she’s spreading rumors about Taylor, then that’s bad for the band not just for him and you shouldn’t have anything to do with someone like that. She shouldn’t be around us and she certainly shouldn’t be privy to the information I’m sure she’s heard since dating you,” Isaac said, “Did you tell her about Taylor’s situation?” Taylor sighed heavily and rubbed his hands over his stubbly face. It was so incredibly frustrating to him that neither of them could say it out loud. Neither one of them could say that he had been struggling with his sexuality. As angry as it made him, he tried to calm himself and continue to just be happy with the fact that they were finally having some semblance of a civilized conversation about the entire situation.
“Fine! Do you want me to break up with her?” Zac asked exasperatedly.
“Yes!” Isaac and Taylor said in unison.
“Okay, I’ll break up with Sheridan when you break up with Ellie,” Zac said defiantly to Isaac.
“Why the hell should I break up with Ellie?”
“Because she’s an idiot. You’re way too smart to be dating someone so stupid,” Zac said.
“I’ll admit she lacks common sense, but she’s not stupid,” Isaac defended. Taylor leaned back in his chair and zoned out while they continued to fight. He had already made his feelings about both of their girlfriends very clear and knew that it was something they needed to hash out amongst themselves. Zac and Isaac had always been closer than Taylor had ever been with either of them. For some unknown reason, they’d always just understood each other and Taylor had always felt like the odd man out. They’d all worked well enough together that their band and business had always functioned smoothly, but he’d always longed for a closer relationship with either of them, even if for just a short time. In his life, he’d been forced to look elsewhere for best friends when they had each other around all the time. Seeing them being so close had made this last tour particularly painful since they had also had their girlfriends around. They’d had people around and he’d felt like he had nobody. As he stared blankly into the arguing faces of his brothers, though, he realized that maybe they weren’t as close as he’d imagined. They clearly hadn’t been honest with each other about their feelings, something he always did with Flannery.
“I just can’t believe you two have hated Sheridan for so long and didn’t say anything!” Zac said, snapping Taylor out of his thoughts.
“It’s kind of hard to say something like that, Zac,” Taylor interrupted, “You seemed genuinely happy with her so it was a little hard for me to shit all over your life.” Zac opened his mouth to say something but shut it again, apparently deciding it wasn’t the right thing to say.
“Taylor…” Isaac said hesitantly, “I was hard on you about this whole gay-or-not situation because you seemed so fucking miserable. If you had come to us and announced that you were gay and you seemed genuinely happy about it, it would have taken some getting used to, but I certainly wouldn’t have been an ass about it.”
“Couldn’t you tell that it was bothering me? If so, then why did you keep being such a dick? You made the whole thing harder than it needed to be. I needed you guys’ support. It was not just some fly by night decision that I made.” Taylor admitted both to himself and to them. He’d been so quick to stop it all because it had been hard, not because he was sure he was straight. With a deep shuddering breath, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table and burying his face in his hands. Every insecurity and worry he’d had over the last few weeks came flying back after one night back to normalcy.
“Then why did you give it up already?” Zac asked, surprising the hell out of Taylor.
“Because I’m fucking terrified,” Taylor managed, his throat constricting. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried in front of his brothers. They’d been through so much together, but tears rarely made their way into the equation.
“You obviously haven’t really made up your mind,” Isaac said matter-of-factly. Taylor wanted to tell him that he was exactly right, that he hadn’t been aroused by Tatum and wasn’t even entirely sure what had made him be able to go through with it at all. But, he had never discussed his sex life in detail with his brothers and certainly didn’t feel that it was an appropriate time to start.
“I thought I had,” Taylor stated honestly, “I really did.”
“Then get back on track, Taylor. You’re not yourself and if you have to be… gay to do that, then so be it. But you need to figure it out,” Isaac told him, hesitating significantly before saying the dreaded word. Taylor looked at them and really wanted to believe that they were being more supportive, but he still saw hints of disappointment lurking behind their eyes. It was a start, but one that made him suspicious.
“How much is Adrian paying you two to act like this?” he accused.
“I haven’t talked to Adrian in a week,” Isaac said.
“I’ve never talked to him except for here that one night and then at the restaurant that one time,” Zac offered with a shrug.
“Then why are you acting like this all of a sudden, huh?” Taylor demanded.
“Because, Taylor, this needs to get figured out. I’d like my brother back. You need to figure this out,” Isaac reiterated with the authority that only an older brother can pull off. Taylor sighed and took his cup of coffee back into his hands. Slowly, he looked back and forth between their faces, both of them housing completely ambiguous looks. Even though the last thing he wanted to do was stick himself back into the most difficult situation he’d ever been in, he nodded his head and took a long sip of his now stone cold coffee.
A few hours later, Taylor called Adrian on his way back home. Adrian didn’t sound surprised to hear Taylor’s voice, nor did he sound angry that it had been a few days since they’d last been in contact. He told Taylor that he would come over in a bit to discuss things. Talking about it any more was very close to the bottom on Taylor’s list of things to do with the rest of his day, but he knew that he needed to. Once he got home, he disgustedly threw his sheets in the washing machine, trying to erase all traces of Tatum from his apartment. He dumped the bottle of wine they’d sampled down the drain and scrubbed the wine glasses. By the time his disinfecting was complete, Adrian let himself in through the unlocked front door.
“Take a seat,” Adrian said with a big smile, gesturing to the dining room chair he had pulled out from the table before greeting Taylor. Taylor attempted to mentally prepare himself for what was about to come, as he had learned to not trust Adrian when he looked innocent. In fact, that seemed to be when he was most deadly.
“Why haven’t you called me?” Adrian asked. Taylor thought that he sounded rather like a jealous boyfriend, but just answered the question, deciding that making a smart ass comment was probably not in his best interest at the moment.
“I was working through some things,” Taylor said.
“And wasn’t I hired to help you work through things?”
“I guess…”
“How was your little baking excursion? Did it make you feel better?” Adrian asked, dropping the subject after seeing that Taylor would not be making any efforts to be more forthright.
“Not really. It was awkward because Tre came over and Flannery figured out that he was the guy I had kissed,” Taylor admitted.
“You kissed Tre?” Adrian asked, and Taylor remembered that he’d never disclosed that particular piece of information to his life coach. Taylor just nodded, prompting Adrian to sigh in disgust.
“How can any one person be so completely hopeless?” Adrian ranted, “I swear to god, you’re like a five year old child! How could you have possibly thought that making out with your best friend was a good idea? You’ve spent the last two days convincing yourself that you’re straight, haven’t you?” Taylor looked at Adrian with a shocked expression. There was no way that either his brothers or Flannery would have called Adrian just to announce that news. Adrian was a smug, self-important bastard, but Taylor had to admit that he was damned good at his job.
“Maybe,” Taylor replied childishly.
“But you’ve changed your mind again. And do you know why?” Adrian questioned, not really giving Taylor enough time to respond before continuing, “Because you still haven’t given this a fair chance. Kissing your friend was a fucking cop out and you know it, don’t you?” No one had talked to Taylor like that in, well, ever and he furrowed his eyebrows, getting prepared to tell Adrian exactly where he could shove his haughty attitude. “And don’t go getting all pissy with me because you messed up, Taylor. It’s time to for you to stop being such a little pussy and do something. Do you still have Dominic’s card?” Taylor told him that he did, leaving out the part that it had fallen out onto Tatum’s tits last night when she was nosily digging around for a condom.
“It’s in my wallet,” Taylor explained, taking it out of his back pocket and finding the card tucked within. Adrian grabbed the card and dialed the number into his cell phone, pressing the send button before shoving it into Taylor’s hands.
“Ask him on a date and do it now,” Adrian ordered, crossing his arms over his chest and staring down hard at Taylor. Each time the phone rang, Taylor wanted to breathe a sigh of relief, and he finally did so as Dominic’s voice mail picked up.
“Hey Dominic, this is Taylor Hanson. Um… I’m ready.”