I hadn’t talked to Taylor in over a day. He hadn’t been online and hadn’t called me. I felt uncomfortable, almost itchy in my own skin as I saw the empty place on my AIM profile where his screenname was usually displayed with an obnoxious away message to match. I didn’t mention it to Sophie and Grace, I figured they’d probably be happy. A sidelong glance found Sophie working on a paper and Grace talking softly to someone on the phone. That was strange. Grace was never quiet. I picked up the rubber band ball from my desk and chucked it at her, aiming for her feet. She flipped me off and threw it back, barely missing my laptop.
I was painfully bored. I’d already memorized all of my lines for my theater class. Memorizing had always been easy for me, I didn’t really have to try, I just had to read it a few times and then I was good to go. It made people think I worked a lot harder than I actually did, so that was a plus. I contemplated calling Hunter, but didn’t know how often was too often for our little get-togethers. It was only Thursday, so I still had another day of torturous school left until the weekend. I put my face in my hands and stared blankly at the screen.
I was almost asleep sitting up at my desk when my phone started vibrating against the fake wood surface and I almost fell out of my chair as the sound shook me back to full consciousness. Grace’s name showed on the screen of my phone.
“Earth to Cameron,” she said from across the room as I ignored her call.
“What?” I asked, not even bothering to turn around.
“Sophie and I would like to speak with you, if you can tear yourself away from your screen saver for a few minutes.” Reluctantly, I turned around and saw them both sitting cross-legged on the futon. With a sigh, I stood and made my way over before sitting down next to Sophie.
“You’ve been acting weird all day,” Grace stated.
“Yeah, how so?” I asked, picking at the fraying ends of my jeans.
“Well, you’ve been quiet and hardly a bitch since you woke up,” Sophie smiled.
“So sorry to disappoint you both. I can’t be on my game every day.”
“I think you haven’t been on your game since you and Hunter started hooking up,” Grace teased, leaning back against the wall with a smirk.
“And how are those two things related at all? I got some so now I’m going to be nice, is that your theory?”
“No, I just think he’s shaken things up a bit, that’s all. And he’s gorgeous, which doesn’t hurt anything.”
“And you haven’t even mentioned or talked to Taylor. Maybe Hunter is really a blessing,” Sophie said almost hesitantly. She knew I wouldn’t be happy with that comment, and she was right. But they didn’t know why Taylor and I hadn’t talked in a day. I almost didn’t tell them, but found the words spilling out of my mouth without warning.
“I haven’t talked about or to Taylor because he hasn’t been online and hasn’t called me. And I don’t know why. He was really weird yesterday, civil and to the point. No teasing, no nothing. It felt weird and now he’s made no efforts to contact me, making this basically the first day since we met that we haven’t talked.”
“Does he know about Hunter?” Grace asked.
“He knows about Friday night, but not about our little arrangement, or at least I don’t think he does. But maybe he does and that’s why he’s being weird…” Grace and Sophie just looked at each other.
“Cam,” Sophie started. I didn’t want to hear it, I knew what she was going to say.
“Just don’t, okay. I know that I don’t know that, and I know that assuming that means that he has feelings for me and I don’t know that. I just don’t understand why he doesn’t notice! Everyone notices. Zac even noticed for Christ’s sake! Why is he so stubborn?” I put my face in my hands and tried to hold back tears. They’d never let me talk about Taylor for this long before. I wondered how bad things seemed that they would let this happen.
“He’s a guy, Cam. They don’t always figure it out,” Sophie said, smoothing her hand over my back, “Maybe you should tell him.”
“No way. I’m obvious enough. The ball is in his court. I could never tell him. I’ve gone over every possible scenario and only one ends well. There are too many bad options.”
“Isn’t never knowing how he feels bad, too?” Grace asked. I couldn’t bring myself to answer her. I just sunk back into the lumpy cushion and turned my attention to the episode of Dawson’s Creek that was playing on our TV.
That night I ran into Jackson and Chris in the Student Union. They were stocking up on bags of chips and bottles of pop.
“What are you two up to with all that food? Having a party?” I asked with a laugh, rebalancing my own dinner boxes.
“Not exactly,” Chris said. Jackson didn’t say anything, he just shifted the bags of chips to his other hand.
“Is that the only response anyone can get out of people who live in your room? Why the hell are you all being so secretive? You’re freaking me out.” My heart was pounding in my chest and it felt like junior high all over again when people were especially picky and choosy about the information they let out and to whom.
“There are just a few people coming over to hang out tonight, that’s all.” I swallowed hard and tried to hide it. In two years, I’d never been not invited to a happening in Taylor’s room. Not once.
“Oh, I see. Who’s coming over?” This was not a time to beat around the bush. They were hiding something from me and I didn’t like it one bit.
“Um,” Chris attempted.
“Tell me,” I ordered, “Look, I’m not going to crash your little party or anything, I just want to know why you’re being so freaking weird.”
“Brooklynn and some of her friends,” Jackson said. Nothing on earth could have prepared me for that answer.
“Brooklynn? Brooklynn Stahler? Why in the hell is she coming over to hang out?” They both just shrugged and looked down at their feet.
“She’s really not as bad as we thought, Cam. She’s kind of fun,” Jackson admitted, working a hand through his hair.
“Not that bad? She’s the fucking Anti-Christ! Why are you all hanging out all of a sudden? Is there something going on between her and Taylor?”
“No! No, they’re just friends,” Chris said. I knew Chris wasn’t lying, in fact, he was completely incapable of doing so. I just shook my head and turned to walk away.
“Not that bad…” I mumbled before yelling back at them in a sugary sweet voice, “Have fun tonight!” I paid for my food as quickly as possible and practically ran back to my room. Sophie was gone and Grace was perched on the edge of the futon, the TV off and her eyes focused on the door.
“Fucking Brooklynn is hanging out upstairs with the guys tonight! I just had to find out from Jackson and Chris. No, I had to pry it out of them. God, I hate her, I HATE her!” I yelled, throwing my shoes at the floor after almost ripping them off of my feet.
“That’s weird. I didn’t know they were all friends,” she said distantly, looking more at the door behind me than at me.
“They aren’t, or they weren’t. Now apparently ‘she’s not so bad'” I said, making quotation marks with my fingers, “She is such a dirty whore, and no one will tell me why they’re hanging out. They said that there’s nothing going on between her and Taylor. I just don’t get it. God, I’m glad you’re here tonight, Grace. Let’s just hang out and watch bad movies all night.” It was then I noticed that Grace was kind of dressed up and that she wasn’t manning her usual spot sprawled out on the futon.
“Actually., I have a date tonight.” I just stood there blinking at her.
“And how is it possible that I didn’t know about this?”
“I haven’t really told anyone. We’ve just been talking a lot. His name is Trevor, and I think I really like him, Cam.” I tried to smile, I really did, but all that came out was a shocked gape.
“Well, that’s great, Gracie. I hope you have fun tonight.” With that, there was a knock at the door.
“There he is! See you later!” She left the room before I even had a chance to say goodbye. The futon suddenly looked incredibly inviting.
I grabbed my food and phone and laid down on the black mattress. Disbelief was the only word to describe my mood. That and lonely. I couldn’t remember a time in a long while when I had felt so incredibly lonely. Taylor was leaving me out of his own social events, something that hadn’t happened in our entire time at Iowa and Grace was on a date? Sure I was happy for her, but how did I not know she was even interested in someone? What the hell was happening?
After my food was gone, I contemplated going to bed, but a look at my phone showed that it was only 7:30, and not even I felt pathetic enough to go to bed that early. Only one thing sounded worth doing. My fingers found his name in my phonebook and I dialed his number. He picked up after only three rings.
“Yes?” he answered.
“That’s all I get, a yes? Not even a polite hello?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said, intentionally being a smart ass. I was not at all in the mood to deal with a smart ass at the moment, but he didn’t know that.
“Do you want to come over?” I asked, knowing that if he said no, I would feel pathetic enough to go to bed at 7:30.
“Yeah, I think I can swing by,” he said after a moment and I couldn’t help it as I let the breath I hadn’t known I was holding escape. “Relieved?” I could hear him laughing.
“You have no idea,” I said, “Now don’t keep me waiting for too long.”
“How can I come over when I don’t know where to go?”
“Carver, Room 212. Now hurry.” I hung up and set to work making myself look more presentable, making sure I was wearing a cute bra and underwear and touching up my makeup. Hunter finally showed up twenty minutes later and I could hardly contain myself when he walked in the door. He was exactly what I needed: close personal contact, and something to make me forget all about what was happening upstairs.
“I was starting to wonder if you’d be the one to initiate next or if I was going to have to do it again,” he said between kisses.
“I waited as long as I could. Didn’t want to seem too pathetic,” I said as I shoved his now unzipped jeans down to his ankles.
“Nothing about this is in any way pathetic. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself,” he grinned before it faded as he watched me climb my way up into my bed. “There’s a futon right over there.”
“Yeah, and if my roommates come home, they’d get quite a show if we were down on the futon, don’t you think?” I asked. He nodded and climbed up the end of the bed.
“Roommates. I forget that some people have those,” he said as he grabbed my comforter and pulled it over us.
“They’re a pain in the ass,” I said before pulling his head down to me, “Now less talk. I’m sure you can find a better use for your mouth than that.” He smiled at me and disappeared under the blanket. God I was glad I’d called him.