You Irritate Me // Spazzy the Boy Wonder (Chapter 19)

Kinsey awoke the next morning to comfortable weight of Taylor’s arm resting across her stomach. She smiled and turned to face him in the dark, wishing again that his black-out curtains didn’t make it quite so dark in his room. As weird as it seemed, she really just wanted to watch him sleep for a few minutes. Sure, she had seen him sleep before, but now, when she was lying naked beside him under the covers, she suspected that he would probably look a good deal different to her now than he had then.

“Stop looking at me. You’re creeping me out,” Taylor mumbled sleepily. Kinsey opened her mouth to protest, but clamped it shut and dug her fingers into his ticklish ribs instead. He made a strange shrieking noise and jerked away from her reach. “I just woke up! Damn, Kinsey!”

“Oh, you big baby,” she laughed and imagined what he looked like sitting over on the other side of the king sized bed, likely pouting. He turned on the bedside lamp and continued to glare at her, rubbing his bare ribs as if to make her feel bad for tickling him. It didn’t work. “Let’s go get some breakfast and make sure everything’s cleaned up before your brothers get back.”

“What? You mean that?” he asked, nodding his head in the direction of his camera which was still set up on its tripod. Kinsey felt herself blush at its mention, remembering everything that had transpired in front of its lens the night before. It had all gone pretty much as she had imagined it would until Taylor decided to try out the video feature. Then things had gotten really interesting.

“Let’s go eat,” she said, biting back a painfully girly giggle in the process. He watched her as she left the room and reappeared in his doorway a few moments later with her black silky robe now securely in place. He quickly grabbed some pajama pants and a plain white t-shirt and pulled them on before following her down the stairs.

“So, we’re going to tell them what we decided on last night,” Kinsey said, sitting down across from Taylor with a bowl of cereal and a banana. Taylor nodded.

“I think they’ll buy it,” he said.

“I’m not so sure. But, whatever. I’m just ready to not have to hide any more. It’s really stressful,” she admitted, “What time does their flight come in?”

“Four,” he stated, “So we should probably leave around three if we want to make it in time to pick them up at the gate.”

“That gives us a few more hours alone. What do you want to do?” she asked, but really didn’t need to. She knew that the second the question left her lips, Taylor would just start smiling at her. He didn’t disappoint.

“I plan on keeping you plenty busy for the next two hours and then we can get ready to go,” he informed her.

“Thanks for keeping me on a schedule,” Kinsey said as Taylor grabbed her hand and started pulling her in the direction of the stairs, “What if I had other things I wanted to do before they came home?”

“Do those things involve multiple orgasms?” Taylor asked.

“Um… probably not, no.”

“Then my schedule trumps yours. A lot,” he teased before pulling her down onto his bed on top of him.

“You’re impossible,” she told him, feigning irritation as he started placing kisses to her neck.

“And you’re still talking. Do you not see the problem with this?” he asked. Kinsey just glared at him before giving in to his kisses.

At three o’clock, they were seated next to each other at Isaac and Zac’s gate with their game faces on. The entire way there they had discussed exactly what they would do and how they would handle the wide variety of possible reactions from the guys. They were prepared for them to disbelieve them at first. They were even prepared for them to get mad, but since they were planning to play the angle that it had happened Friday night for the first time ever, they didn’t really think that would be the reaction of choice. After walking through every possibility Kinsey could come up with, Taylor had finally sighed exasperatedly at her and asked her to stop, saying that they would handle whatever came their way.

Kinsey knew that Taylor was right. She looked over at him and saw that he was people watching the plethora of interesting specimens of the human species who seemed to be roaming by every few seconds. To any casual onlooker, Taylor probably looked calm, like any other person waiting to pick someone up at the airport, but Kinsey knew better. The fact that he was drumming his fingers against the thighs of his jeans, practicing some piano line on denim instead of ivory signified that his brain was so busy he couldn’t stop himself from doing the action that seemed to be engrained in his DNA. And he was also chewing on the inside of his bottom lip, a nervous habit he’d had since a young age; one that his mother frequently nagged at him to stop.

“What?” Taylor asked, finally noticing her looking intently at him.

“Sorry,” Kinsey said, “You just look really nervous.”

“Well, I’m not exactly looking forward to the conversation we’re about to have with them.”

“Then why are we telling them? You’re the one who suggested it in the first place,” Kinsey retorted, unable to hide the annoyed tone of her voice.

“Yeah, because it’s the right thing to do, not because I’m excited about actually doing it,” he came back, his tone as irritated as her own. Kinsey wanted to scream. Here they were, less than forty-eight hours from when they had confessed to having feelings for each other and they were still fighting. She couldn’t help it as a terrifying thought went through her head: What if it never stopped? What if this behavior was now so much a part of their identity as a twosome that there was no way to make it stop?

“Old habits sure do die hard,” she said simply, crossing her arms over her stomach and turning her attention in the opposite direction to find that their plane had just pulled up to the gate.

“I don’t want to fight with you, Kinsey. I just need you to be okay with the fact that I’m nervous about today. It doesn’t mean I want to back out, it’s just a huge thing that we’ve had time to deal with that Zac and Isaac will just now be hearing about and will therefore be really weird about it for awhile. Okay?” She wanted to look at him because she knew he was being honest and that his theory would likely hold true, but she couldn’t because if she did she knew she would start to cry in a reaction to the stress of the situation.

Isaac was one of the first passengers off the plane with Zac in tow.

“There’s America’s favorite couple!” Isaac replied teasingly, obviously very pleased with himself for “sticking” them together for the weekend. Taylor and Kinsey just shared a brief and discreet look before standing to meet them. Kinsey allowed herself to be enveloped in a hug by Isaac and then Zac, who promptly let her go and stuck out his hand.

“Where’s my present, biatch?” he demanded. She couldn’t help but smile at him and slapped his hand with her bare palm.

“At the condo. And for the record, your birthday is over and therefore you don’t get to act like a spoiled brat any more.”

“The day might be gone, but the celebration is only just beginning. We’re going out tonight!” he declared, thrusting both fists into the air in an enthusiastic gesture.

“I have to work in the morning,” Kinsey whined. Zac put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.

“Aww… poor Kinsey with her 9 to 5,” he mocked in a sweet voice in her ear, “I guess she’ll just have to go to work hung over. Again.

“So, where are we going out to eat?” Taylor interjected as he fell into step between Kinsey and Isaac on their way to the baggage claim.

“I don’t care. I just want the chance to celebrate my birthday with you two since you spent the whole weekend doing couple things and making moon eyes at each other,” Zac snorted. Taylor cleared his throat and Kinsey shot him a look to tell him that in the middle of the airport was so not the right time to break the news, but Isaac interrupted anyway.

“Oh yeah, Mom just kept giggling and saying that she hoped you two were having a nice time,” he said.

“So, of course, I had to help her along by mentioning that I was just sure that you two were really enjoying all of the private alone time you were having. I’m pretty sure I got smacked for that, but I think she was with me.”

“And then Tifani even chimed in with some great ones, something about how when she had seen you two together when she came to visit, that she’d never seen you two so happy.”

“Actually-“ Taylor started, but got interrupted again.

Oh! And, apparently Mom saw you two have your first kiss. She came in from the back porch and was going to see what we were up to and saw it. So she claims she’s known for over ten years that you two would end up together,” Isaac told them.

“It was hilarious. There is just no convincing them that you two aren’t a couple,” Zac said.

“Not that we were helping much,” Isaac laughed, “If only they knew, right guys?”

“Oh my god. You two as a couple. That’d be an epic fail right there,” Zac chuckled, his arm still around Kinsey’s shoulders as they walked.

“If you two ever tried that, I’d have to kill both of you for putting us through your constant bitching and jackassary for the last billion years,” Isaac shook his head. Kinsey felt the tears well up in her eyes and betrayed her instincts by looking over at Taylor who was looking right back at her. They both seemed to know what the other was thinking without a word being spoken. There was no way they could tell Isaac and Zac now.

And Kinsey knew that Isaac had every right to make the comment he just had. They had been annoying everyone around them as much as they’d been annoying each other for the last ten or so years. Isaac and Zac had made it very clear time and time again how sick they were of listening to it all. Why would they be happy that Taylor and Kinsey had decided that they really didn’t hate each other after all; that it was all deeply hidden sexual chemistry and attraction. How could they, the two people besides Tif who had been exposed to it more than anyone else, even consider it as a possibility? Kinsey knew that she and Taylor were chickening out, but at least they were chickening out together.

“So, how was your weekend?” Zac asked, obviously unaware of their virtual lack of comments thus far.

“Just delightful,” Kinsey said with feigned sarcasm. It had been delightful. Surprisingly so, but she knew that now was not the time for them to broach the subject. And so, they were thrust back into hiding. While Zac and Isaac were otherwise engaged getting their things from the baggage carousel, Taylor reached over and gave her hand a very quick squeeze.

“We can’t tell them now,” he told her hurriedly in a hushed voice.

“I know,” she replied.

“Damn it,” he muttered as they came back over.

“Are we ready to rumble?” Zac asked, now with a small suitcase in hand.

“Did you really need to pack that much for two days?” Kinsey asked. She couldn’t help herself. Now that he and Isaac had made it impossible for her and Taylor to share their news, she couldn’t help but be slightly mad at him.

“Aww, did spending all weekend with your frenemy make you all grumpy?” Zac asked, grabbing Kinsey’s face in his hand and effectively squeezing her cheeks towards her mouth in the process. She pushed his hand away.

Something like that,” she replied with a sigh.

“To the condo!” Zac exclaimed exuberantly once he was out to the line of taxis. Kinsey shot Isaac a look and he just laughed and shook his head.

“He’s been like this since yesterday. Don’t ask me,” he said.

“Did he get laid or something?” Taylor asked blandly, slipping on his sunglasses as if to signify that he really didn’t care much about Isaac’s response.

“Brenna wasn’t around, was she?” Kinsey demanded.

“Um… she was, but I’m almost positive that nothing happened. I kept a really close eye on them all night,” Isaac said, but he didn’t sound sure of his response.

“If he had sex with her, I swear to god…” Kinsey grumbled as she made her way towards the van Zac had already gotten into, “Zachary Walker Hanson! Did you have sex with my sister?”

“What?!” Zac asked, “Of course not!

“Did you make out with her?”

“I… might have,” Zac started and continued while Kinsey continued to smack his arm repeatedly with both hands, “I was drunk! I’m sorry!”

“Stop giving her false hope! My god, what’s the matter with you?” Kinsey asked, “Do you like her?”

“As a friend, yes. Like that, no!”

“Then stop putting your tongue in her mouth! My god!” Kinsey huffed, “You are so on the list!”

“But Kinsey! It’s my fake birthday!”

“Ugh, I am so over you right now,” she glared, settling in the seat beside him and noticing that Taylor paused for a moment in the doorway before settling in the seat in front of them, leaving the space beside Kinsey open for Isaac. Zac didn’t seem phased by Kinsey’s sudden sour mood and must have assumed that she was just messing with him, but she wasn’t. She was seriously annoyed with him for making out with her sister again. What the hell were those two thinking? Brenna knew that Zac had no real feelings for her and Zac knew that Brenna did. She didn’t understand why they were still doing this knowing that it was going nowhere. Then, she realized that they were just using each other. Plain and simple. And it was just like what she and Taylor had been doing at first, except for that there had been no real feelings on either side to begin with. By the time they were back to the condo, Kinsey had calmed herself down enough to force a look of excitement onto her face by the time they were back out the door and heading out for dinner and drinks.

Once they were seated at a booth at Connolly’s Pub with drinks ordered, Zac turned almost sideways in his seat and stuck his hand out again towards Kinsey.

Gimme!” he demanded. She couldn’t help but laugh at him and dug in her purse for the card. He tore open the paper, almost ripping the card in the process and didn’t even bother reading the front before opening it to see what was inside. “Dane Cook tickets! Holy crap! Thank you, Kinsey!”

“You’re taking me with you, by the way,” she smiled, accepting a big hug and kiss on the cheek from him.

“No complaints here,” he replied before accepting his beer from the waitress. Kinsey took the card and tickets and put them back into the safety of her purse before someone spilled something on them and took the pint of Guinness being shoved her way.

“You two are being weird, what’s going on? Fight more than usual this weekend?” Isaac asked, looking at Taylor and Kinsey. Taylor and Kinsey looked at each other before shaking their heads.

“Pretty much the usual,” Taylor said. Kinsey realized that she and Taylor weren’t really acting like they normally did. In fact, they were just pretty much avoiding each other.

“Just a little hard to get a word in edgewise with Spazzy the Boy Wonder going in full pre-pubescent force over here,” Kinsey laughed, nodding her head in Zac’s direction.

“Oh, I understand,” Isaac laughed, “It really was nice to see the family, though. I’m sorry that you guys couldn’t make it.”

“Well, we’ll get to see them in a month, so it’s not too bad,” Taylor shrugged.

“I think Zac and I, while slightly overserved last night, might have set things up for a pretty miserable Thanksgiving for you two. We just really got on a roll…”

“Yeah, it was fun,” Zac laughed.

“Yeah, fun for you, you fuck face,” Taylor said before swallowing about a fourth of his beer in one drink. Zac nodded vigorously with a big smile and Kinsey just sighed and looked into the depths of her beer.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Kins?” Isaac asked. Kinsey sat up straight and nodded.

“Yeah, I’m just a little tired, that’s all,” she explained and it wasn’t a lie. She and Taylor hadn’t done much in the way of sleeping during the last two days and all she wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep. But, it appeared as though her plans for the evening were already slated and the sleep she wanted was instead being replaced by alcohol. They finished their meal and were all feeling quite good after the many, many beers they’d had during the course of their dinner.

“Let’s go out!” Zac suggested.

“We’re already out,” Taylor mumbled around the cigarette in his mouth.

“I mean out out. Like, to a club,” Zac said, and as they turned the corner, a line for a club Kinsey had never heard of was already forming, “Let’s go there!”

“Zac, we don’t know anything about this place,” Isaac said.

“There are paparazzi outside, so it must be cool, right?” he asked. Kinsey looked over at Taylor.

“Oh, the paparazzi. My favorite,” she grumbled. They silently agreed to follow Zac as he started for the front of the line where the group of people wielding cameras all took immediate notice.

“Hey Hanson, how’s it going?” one of them asked, snapping a picture or two. Kinsey sighed and tried to hide herself behind the nearest available body, who just happened to be Taylor.

“How are things going with you and your girlfriend?” another asked Taylor, “She doesn’t seem to happy.” Taylor was obviously drunk enough to play along, and he grabbed her hand and pulled her gently to his side.

“She’s fine,” Taylor told them. Kinsey wanted to shrink in on herself and die as she watched flash after flash go off in front of her, standing there holding Taylor’s hand in front of everyone. It felt wrong in so many ways. She didn’t mind holding his hand. They hadn’t done it much due to the nature of their arrangement, and that was what bothered her most, that the first time they did a coupley kind of thing had to happen falsely for a strange kind of attention that Drunk Taylor was apparently interested in provoking.

“I don’t know, she looks pretty pissed. You’d better do something to make her happy,” someone teased. And without warning or hesitation, Taylor leaned down and captured her lips in a searing kiss that seemed to last for much longer than it actually did. The kiss was so good, in fact, that Kinsey didn’t even have it in herself to hide the dopey, stupid smile that covered her face when he pulled back. To the strangers, it probably looked all well and good. To Zac and Isaac, it looked like she was playing along. But as soon as the momentary bliss passed from her, it took everything fiber of her being to keep her from yelling at him on the spot. They made their way inside in front of the line and as soon as they were out of sight, Kinsey laid into him.

“God damn it, Taylor! What were you thinking?” Kinsey demanded. He laughed.

“I was just messing with them. Come on, let’s get a drink,” he said.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” she told him sternly before brushing between Zac and Isaac and making her way to the bar, Isaac quickly following.

“That was hilarious, man,” Zac laughed, “They totally bought it.”

“Yeah, they did,” Taylor said, “Why don’t you go see if she’s okay.”

“I will. You want a drink?” Zac asked.

“Of course I do,” Taylor replied before gently pushing Zac in the direction of the bar. Zac made his way over quickly and was sidled up next to Kinsey in a matter of seconds.

“Are you okay?” he asked her.

“Nothing a shit load of liquor can’t fix,” she said, downing a shot with Isaac.

“Was kissing my brother that bad?” he laughed.

“I’m not justifying that with a response.” Kinsey was thankful that Zac took that as an affirmative answer and Taylor resurfaced a few minutes later. She spent the rest of the night avoiding Taylor partly to keep Drunk Kinsey from becoming Horny Kinsey, and also because she was somewhat irritated with him for toying with her by laying one on her in front of everyone. They drank and she even conceded to dancing with Zac a few times before heading for the door, all of them thoroughly drunk, but Zac much more so than everyone else.

“I need to get some ass my friends!” Zac announced, butting in between Ike and Kinsey and putting an arm around each of them.

“We know,” they replied in unison, laughing at the very drunk Zac between them.

“Will someone please have sex with me?” Zac asked loudly, causing several people to turn and look at him as they walked down the street.

“Zac, shut up! That’s all we need to end up in the paper,” Isaac scolded.

“What’s going to end up in the paper is my penis in the obituary section if it doesn’t get some serious action soon!” Zac exclaimed.

“Oh for god sakes…” Isaac said. Kinsey just tried as hard as she could not to laugh, looking over at Zac’s flushed and beaming face. He really was enjoying every second of his birthday, well, his “fake” birthday as he had deemed it. Apparently, he wanted a very happy ending for his birthday, which made Kinsey think back to the night of her birthday. Her thoughts were pleasantly otherwise engaged until Zac asked a question that snapped her back to reality.

“Kinsey, will you make out with me?” She turned her head and looked at him wide eyed, and she swore she could actually hear Taylor’s head turn in that direction since he moved it so quickly.

“No, Zac,” she told him firmly.

“But it’s my birthday,” he whined, releasing his arm from around Isaac’s shoulders and using it to pull Kinsey close to him.

“She said no,” Taylor told him firmly.

“Well she already kissed you tonight and she hates you, so you can’t blame me for trying.”

“Actually, he kissed her, but that’s not the point,” Isaac said, “Just leave her alone, okay?” Zac huffed loudly and released Kinsey from his tight grasp.

“Fine. If Kinsey wants to ruin my birthday, that’s her own business,” he teased.

“It’s not really your birthday, so you’re not going to guilt me, sir,” she informed him, wagging a finger in his direction. They walked on in silence for a few minutes before out of nowhere Zac screamed “It’s my birthday and I’m horny!”

“You’re an idiot, that’s what you are,” Taylor sighed, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes, “I can’t believe I’m blood related to you.”

“I can believe it,” Kinsey shrugged, prompting Taylor to glare at her.

“Well,” he started, “I guess I’d rather be related to him than be an idiot.”

“Are you calling me an idiot?” she asked.

“I think I made that pretty clear,” Taylor said, the subtle sparkle in his eyes letting her know that he was just teasing her. Much faster than she would have assumed possible when drunk, Kinsey snatched off her stilettos and started off after him down the street.

“I will beat you with a shoe, Taylor!”

“Get away from me you crazy bitch!” he laughed. She chased him for several blocks and then stopped, finally done with the whole thing. When he heard her footsteps stop, he did the same and when they turned to look behind them, they found that Isaac and Zac were still about a block away and around the corner.

“If I’m a crazy bitch, then you’re a crazy bastard,” she told him as he swiftly closed the distance between them.

“Works for me,” he said before leaning down to kiss her again, the same kind of searing kiss he’d given her outside the club. And right there in those fleeting seconds they had, Kinsey wondered briefly if hiding was really so bad; it was much more exciting after all.

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