You Irritate Me // Mr. Grumpypants (Chapter 2)

Kinsey was glaring at the sink full of dishes before her. Her hands were already starting to prune from the soapy water and despite what the commercials spouted, the zesty citrus scent was not making the experience more enjoyable for her. She knew that she could have just put the dishes into the dishwasher, but that would have taken longer and there were boxes full of things that needed to be washed before they could be put in the cabinets she had already spent an hour that morning wiping out. All the while, the guys were still upstairs sleeping until noon, a typical occurrence Kinsey had learned in the last week.

It had been an exercise in restraint for her to wait until that particular morning to finally unpack the kitchen, but she had been testing them to see if they would do it. Obviously, they had failed the test. No matter how good they were at handling their business affairs and what a polished presence they put out for the public, they were still at heart nothing more than dirty, lazy boys.

She set a stack of dishes up in a drying rack, alleviating at least some of the work ahead of her, before turning to attack another box. Her heart leapt into her throat in shock as she saw Taylor standing silently in the doorway.

“What the hell, Taylor?” she demanded, “You scared the shit out of me!” He just stood there looking at her through drooping eyes.

“You are making so much noise. People are trying to sleep upstairs!” he managed through a yawn. Kinsey felt her eyes narrow in irritation at him and she dropped the handfuls of silverware she’d been holding into the sink before heading over to stand before him.

“Well, people down here are trying to make this place livable! I swear to god you three are absolutely worthless! I am the only one who has unpacked anything! We have been here over a week and there are still boxes everywhere! I-” Kinsey was stopped when Taylor reached out and put his hand over her mouth.

“Just stop,” he said, rolling his eyes, “My room has been unpacked for days. You would know that if you’d stopped stomping around enough to notice.”

“Oh yeah, because I frequent your room so often and always have,” Kinsey spat, turning and heading back to the sink.

“You wish you have,” he said smugly, heading to the fridge to eat some of the food Kinsey had bought when he and Isaac had failed their grocery shopping mission so terribly.

“No, I already have to pay monthly for my birth control prescription and really don’t want to have to start picking up Valtrax as well.”

“Isn’t it a little early for you two to be fighting?” Isaac grumbled as he walked in and started the coffee.

“Get used to it,” Kinsey said under her breath as she washed their silverware and then let the soapy water drain from the sink. Once she had everything dried and put in its place, she broke down the boxes and took them down to the dumpster while Taylor and Isaac sat there and drank their coffee and read the paper.

“I’m done,” she stated standing between Taylor and Isaac’s chairs and looking down at them expectantly.

“With what?” Isaac asked with a mouthful of his precious chocolate babka.

“With doing anything to help out around here! Until you guys finish unpacking this house, I won’t do anything! I won’t do the dishes or buy any groceries or pick up your shit when you leave it laying around. I am putting my foot down because I did not move here with you guys to be your maid!” And with that, she stormed out of the room and ran up the stairs. She slammed her door shut and she knew that she was being childish, but she didn’t really care. Her bedroom had become her safe haven over the past week with pictures hung on the walls and everything in order. Taking a deep cleansing breath, she pulled back the covers and climbed back into bed, willing sleep to overtake her. It was the only solution she could see to make the anger slip from her body.

She probably could have slept away the entire day, but was awakened by a body laying down next to her, causing the mattress to shift. Kinsey warily peeked open an eye to find Zac’s head occupying the pillow next to hers.

“I heard you threw quite the temper tantrum downstairs,” he said matter-of-factly. She grunted and closed her eyes again.

“Go away, Zachary.” He reached over and used his thumb and forefinger to pry open her eye again.

“No way, dude. You’re stuck with me until you talk.”

“I have nothing to say other than that you three are the most disgusting and lazy people I have ever met and I can’t believe I’ve known you for my entire life and never knew this about you,” she stated before pulling back to release her eyelids from Zac’s forceful hold.

“We’re boys, Kinsey. What did you expect?”

“Well, I expected it from you, but Isaac is usually really considerate, and Taylor’s obviously a closeted homo, so you can’t blame me for being completely surprised,” she said, now opening her eyes to look at him. He laughed at that and reached over to push the hair out of her face.

“We’re just enjoying our break from work, Kins, that’s all. I promise it won’t always be like this. In fact, while you were napping, Taylor and Isaac were so freaked out that you yelled at them that they actually finished unpacking the kitchen and Isaac went up to start working on his room,” Zac chuckled, “However, my room will remain in boxes until I feel like doing it and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

“Fine,” Kinsey shrugged, “I’ll just sneak in when you’re not home and do it myself.”

“Do that and you’ll find my porno collection and you know that’ll gross you out!” he warned, pushing himself into a sitting position.

“Oh please, don’t sit here and lie to me when I know that was the first thing you took out of a box. Like you could live without your beloved porn for a whole week,” she scoffed, sitting up as well and running her fingers through her blonde hair.

“Whatever, you know how I like those big fake boobies!” Zac grinned, loving the disgusted look to cross her face.

“Get out of my room,” she said, pointing at the door, shocked once again that day to find Taylor standing in the doorway.

“Why are you two in bed together?” Taylor asked.

“We were fucking, what do you think?” Zac asked, grabbing a pillow from my bed and chucking it in Taylor’s direction, hitting him square in the chest.

“If fucking means sitting here talking, then yes, that’s exactly what we were doing,” Kinsey rolled her eyes, standing up and stretching. Taylor ignored that exchange entirely and turned to Kinsey.

“For your information, Herr Dictator, the kitchen is now unpacked,” he said.

“You’re such a dick. God forbid I want this place to look like civilized human beings live here.” She snatched the pillow from the floor in front of him and tossed it back onto the bed.

“Isaac’s going to go pick up lunch, if you two are interested,” was Taylor’s sole reply before leaving. Kinsey made a series of punching motions after him, feeling her blood pressure rise and her face flush.

“Why does he have to be such a raging douche all the time?” she asked Zac.

“He’s the mailman’s kid, I swear,” Zac shook his head, “That’s the only explanation as to why Isaac and I love you and Taylor has decided to make your life a living hell.” Kinsey sighed as Zac smooshed her cheeks together as he said the word ‘love’ and pushed his hands away.

“Well, whatever the reason, it’s going to make having to share a house with him hell. Especially the bathroom. There was a lot of hair in the shower drain this morning and I do not want to know where on his body it came from.” Zac threw up his hands and backed out of the room.

“We all know it didn’t come from his chest,” Zac laughed. Kinsey cracked up and followed him down the stairs to see Isaac putting on his coat by the front door.

“Do you two want anything from the deli?” he asked. Zac and Kinsey gave him their orders before heading into the kitchen to break down the boxes Taylor and Isaac had left behind. Once they were done, Kinsey looked around the room, finding herself feeling incredibly satisfied to be in a house that only had one room with boxes remaining in it. She sat down across the table from Zac and they chatted and it was then that she felt all of the tension that had seeped its way into her muscles disapper. She felt like she was finally able to remember why she had been so excited to move there with them in the first place. They were three of her four best friends in the entire world and she was getting the opportunity to live with them. Now the only obstacle standing in her way was finding a job, and she wasn’t too concerned with that. She knew that she would be able to find something to pass her time, but she just hoped that it would be something that she found rewarding and that brought in a decent amount of money. The guys made more than enough money to pay for their expenses, but she needed to feel like she was contributing. Otherwise, she would just feel like a mooch and that was the last thing she wanted.

Taylor stomped into the kitchen twenty minutes later with a scowl on his face.

“Well if it isn’t Mr. Grumpypants!” Kinsey greeted.

“I am not grumpy!” he said, the tone of his voice clearly stating the opposite. Zac just looked across at the table at her and they both tried not to laugh as Taylor dropped himself into the chair next to Kinsey.

“What’s your problem?” she asked, not really sure if she wanted to know the answer. Taylor sighed dramatically.

“It’s way too bright in my room. I tried to take a nap and it was so light in there I couldn’t. We have to go somewhere I can buy curtains.”

“The whole house could use some window treatments and some paint for that matter,” Kinsey said. Taylor looked at her in surprise. “Yeah, I’m agreeing with you for once. Don’t get used to it, it doesn’t happen often.”

“No shit,” Taylor laughed, his grumpy demeanor finally disappearing.

“So… Home Depot later?” Zac asked.

“Home Depot?” Isaac questioned as he walked in with two large sacks from the deli in hand.

“We’re going to go to get some curtains, or “window treatments” as Kinsey puts it,” Zac said, making mocking quotation marks with his hands.

“And paint,” Kinsey reminded him.

“Sounds good! This place definitely needs some color,” Isaac agreed, sitting one of the bags down on the table and putting the contents of the other into the refrigerator, “I got some deli meat and cheese while I was there. We go through that pretty fast.” Kinsey had to try hard not to smile at that. She didn’t like having to get so angry with the guys, but they were frequently so dense to when she was actually being serious that sometimes that wound up being her only option if she wanted to see results.

That evening, they were strolling around Home Depot with a mostly empty cart in front of them. Taylor had found the black-out blinds he wanted and was now mostly trying to be as annoying as possible.

“What about this?” he asked, dropping a roll of Dora the Explorer wallpaper into the cart. Kinsey snatched it out and put it back in its place.

“No wallpaper!” she said, not even condescending to comment on what the content of that wallpaper had been.

“You’re such a wallpaper nazi,” Taylor rolled his eyes.

“Have you ever put up wallpaper before? It’s a pain in the ass. We’re painting.” Finally, they reached the paint department and everyone set out to find the shade they wanted for their own bedroom. Then came the challenge of deciding on colors for the shared rooms like bathrooms, the living room and the kitchen. Kinsey and Taylor reached a conclusion for the color of their bathroom relatively easily, deciding on a dark slate gray that would match the black accents they already had in there. The kitchen became a simple off-white, but the living room became a real point of contention.

“We need to go with a neutral color in the living room,” Kinsey demanded, “No Zac, that dark red color will look awful with the furniture and paintings we have!”

“Plus it’ll look like my bedroom and I don’t want to get all confused when I come home from the bars and start banging a girl on the couch because I think it’s my bedroom,” Taylor said prompting the other three to look at him questioningly. Kinsey snorted at him before they all went back to arguing. Finally, Kinsey won, mainly because she wouldn’t give up in her pleas for the camel color. After they had all picked out the things they needed to finish their rooms and had paid, they began the struggle of loading the taxi van with their many bags and gallons of paint. Maneuvering the items up to their condo proved to be yet another challenge, but eventually they made it and divided the appropriate items to the appropriate rooms.

“So, while you guys get started in the studio tomorrow, I’ll paint the living room!” Kinsey said, feeling elated at the thought of making further progress in turning the big, echoing foreign space into a home. They settled in the living room with beers and turned on Comedy Central.

“Are you feeling better about things now?” Isaac asked Kinsey.

“I’m feeling better about living with you tools, yes,” she laughed, immediately receiving a punch in the arm from Zac. “Ow! Too hard!”

“Oh I’m sorry, I just don’t know my own strength,” he said innocently, yet flexing his arms obviously.

“Oh please, the only thing you’re good at lifting is a fork to your mouth,” Taylor said.

“Whatever. At least I look like I eat, you skinny bastard!”

“I’m not that skinny!” Taylor defended, growing more and more annoyed the longer the other three ignored him and laughed, “I’m not!”

“Uh-huh, sure!” Kinsey cracked up, reaching over to poke at his ribs. He smacked her hand and sunk back into the plush couch.

“I hate you guys,” he muttered into the mouth of his beer bottle. This, of course, only fueled on their laughter.

Kinsey took a long sip of her beer and smiled. “God, I love you guys.”

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