Time: Kinsey’s Bachelorette Party/ Kinsey: Age 24 / Post-YIM
Rating: Naughty
“Are you ready for this?” Tif grinned. Kinsey nodded vigorously, continuously eying the presents set on the table in front of her.
“Is it safe for me to come in yet?” Zac asked from the hallway.
“If you want to watch Kinsey open dirty things she’s going to use with your brother, then sure!” Tif said.
“Just let me know when we’re going out,” Zac said after a lengthened pause.
“He’s such a prude,” Brenna rolled her eyes before sipping her margarita.
“One, he is not. Two, stop being bitter that he broke things off with you,” Kinsey snapped.
“We weren’t even dating,” Brenna said.
“I’m aware of that, but he still called things off. And you both admit it was for the best, so just let it go. It’s my Bachelorette party and I so don’t want to talk about that tonight.”
“Can we get on with the naughty presents now?” Reggie interjected, giving Kinsey an uncomfortable look.
Reggie and Zac’s one-night stand had happened over half a year earlier, and they’d miraculously managed to keep it from Brenna. As far as Kinsey was concerned, the longer Brenna went without the knowledge that Zac had hooked up with Reggie while in he midst of their year and a half long drunken fuck buddy status, the better.
“Yes please!” Kinsey agreed, snatching a large pink bag stuffed with black tissue paper.
“That one’s from me,” Brenna said with a smile. Inside Kinsey found a very scandalous pink teddy, some flavored massage oil, and a pocket sized Kama Sutra book.
“Ooo!” Tif exclaimed, snatching the book from Kinsey’s hands and flipping it open to a random page, “That one looks fun.”
“Let me see,” Reggie said, scurrying over and eying the picture approvingly.
“Gimme,” Kinsey demanded, holding out her hand until Tif handed the book back over, “Thanks, Brenna!” She tucked everything safely back in the bag before ripping into the next. Inside the black bag, she found a barely there piece of lingerie that it took her several seconds to figure out and a bottle of wine.
“I asked the guy at the liquor shop what kind of wine was best to get someone in the mood, and he practically threw this at me,” Reggie laughed, “I think he was a fan.”
“Well I’m sure Taylor and I will enjoy it as well,” Kinsey said, “And I’m sure he’ll enjoy this lingerie just as soon as I figure out how it works.”
They all laughed as Kinsey stood and attempted to pull it on over her clothes. With three margaritas already flowing through her system, Kinsey was more than a little tipsy and the flimsy pieces of see-through fabric held together by string was even more entertaining than it should have been.
“What’s going on in… oh my god,” Zac said, walking in and immediately shaking his head at the mess Kinsey had made of herself, “Do I even want to know?”
“Just get in here. You won’t die, I promise,” Tif said, “Get yourself a beer, sit down, and enjoy the spectacle your best friend is making out of herself.”
“Oh I am, don’t worry,” Zac laughed, helping Kinsey pull her arm free of the tangle she’d created around it before doing just as Tif had instructed.
“What did you get her, Zac?” Reggie teased.
“For the honeymoon? Nothing,” he said.
“Nothing?” Kinsey sassed, “Not even a gift card?”
“I’ll buy you a drink later?” he said questioningly, obviously hoping it would suffice. When she just kept looking at him with one eyebrow raised, he tried again, “Lots of drinks?”
“That’ll do to start,” she relented before taking the final unopened bag from the table. It fell heavily into her lap. “What’s in here?”
“Open it and find out,” Tif shrugged, taking a long sip of her drink. Kinsey pulled off the top piece of tissue paper and found a plethora of penis-shaped objects inside: penis-shaped candy, penis-shaped straws, even a penis-shaped shot glass.
“Oh my god,” Zac grumbled to himself before chugging the rest of his beer. Taking her sweet time, Kinsey opened the straw package and handed one to each of the girls for their drinks.
“It tastes better through this,” Brenna said in an obvious attempt to further horrify Zac.
“It sure does,” Kinsey beamed before taking another piece of tissue paper from the bag. Her mouth dropped open as she stared at what she found underneath. “Are you kidding me?” Tif cracked up.
“They’re going on tour soon. Trust me. You’ll be wanting that,” she said.
“What is it?” Reggie asked excitedly when Kinsey still hadn’t shown them after almost a minute. Without warning, Reggie reached across the table and snatched the heavy bag from Kinsey’s lap. Brenna leaned over and they both looked on as Reggie pulled the box from the bag and the two of them roared with laughter.
“It’s a Make Your Own Dildo Kit,” Reggie managed through her laughter.
“I can not believe you bought me that,” Kinsey shook her head, “The day I’d get Taylor to do that is-“
“Isaac already did it,” Tif interrupted.
“And on that note, I’m out of here,” Zac said, attempting to stand, but Tif grabbed his arm and pushed him back down.
“Stop being such a little girl,” she said, “We’re almost done.”
“These directions are hilarious,” Brenna giggled, “I can’t imagine any guy actually doing this.”
“If you present it in the right way, they’ll see that it’s actually a great idea,” Tif explained, “So, think of the right way to explain it to Taylor.”
“You’ve met him before, right?” Kinsey laughed.
“Okay, we’re talking about this more later, but I think we need to get out of here before Zac’s face stays that color permanently,” Reggie teased, and Zac’s face somehow flushed an even deeper red.
“So where to first, Miss Party Planner?” Brenna asked Tif.
“The limo should be here any minute and we’re starting out at Kiss & Fly,” Tif said, pulling out her phone and checking the list she’d saved for reference, “From there we have lots of choices, so we’ll just see what Kinsey’s in the mood for.”
“I’m in the mood for fun with my favorites. I don’t care where we go,” Kinsey smiled.
“You’re already drunk,” Zac said, putting his arm around her shoulders.
“Yes I am,” she replied, watching as the other three girls went ahead and got their things together to go out. Taking advantage of a moment alone with him, she gave him a hug. “Thanks so much for coming out with me tonight. I know that that stuff wasn’t fun for you, but you’re my best friend and I wanted you with me tonight.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it,” he said.
“Even if it means being around Brenna?”
“Even if it does,” he laughed, “Is she still talking about it?”
“Of course she is. You had sex with her every time you two were drunk together for over a year. You must have made quite the impression.”
“Damn right I did,” he laughed.
“Are you seriously that cocky, too? Is it embedded in your Hanson DNA?” Kinsey asked incredulously before leading the way to the front door.
“Everything okay?” Tif asked.
“Everything’s fine,” Kinsey said, “Now let’s go!”
They all headed out to the limo that Tif had gotten for the occasion. Kinsey shot the champagne’s cork—almost taking Zac’s head off in the process—and they finished off the bottle on their way to the club. When they were only a few blocks away, Kinsey finally noticed that Tif had a small gift bag sitting by her feet.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“I wondered how long it would take you to notice,” Tif laughed, “It’s just a few things to make you more identifiable tonight.” Piece by piece she pulled out a pink Bachelorette sash, tiara, and feather boa. Kinsey donned all the items with a little help from Brenna to make sure everything was placed well, and then they climbed out onto the sidewalk.
“All right, Missy,” Reggie said, blocking Kinsey’s path, “I asked Tif what I could do to help, and she told me that I could come up with a little scavenger hunt for you to do tonight.” She took out a piece of folded notebook paper and handed it to Kinsey. It said:
Do a blow job shot
Have a guy serenade you (bonus points if it’s a Hanson song, obviously)
Have a guy give you his underwear
Have 3 guys write down why you should marry them instead of Taylor
Get a piggyback ride from a stranger
Find a cute guy to practice walking down the aisle with
Have a guy give you a condom
Buy something from a porn shop
Get a picture with a guy named Taylor (not your Taylor, though)
“Easy,” Kinsey grinned before they headed inside. Zac fell in step beside her and took the paper from her hands.
“We get to go to a porn shop? Sweet!” he teased.
“Apparently so,” Kinsey countered. She linked her arm with his before freezing and grabbing his chin in her free hand. “Hey Tif!”
“Yeah?” Tif asked, turning around just before she walked through the door to the club.
“Does this look like a cute guy to you?” Kinsey asked, shaking Zac’s head a bit when she saw him roll his eyes.
“According to some of the female population of this party he is,” Tif countered. Brenna huffed while Reggie suddenly took great interest in her shoes.
“Good enough for me,” Kinsey teased before looking up at Zac, “Now help me practice walking down the aisle.”
“That I can do.” As they made their way to the front door they walked grandly in step. When they reached the door, Zac pretended to lift a veil from her face.
“That doesn’t count,” Reggie said in a sing-song voice as she breezed past them.
“Does if I cross it out,” Kinsey said to herself, digging a pen from her purse and scribbling a line through it before following everyone inside.
After an hour of drinks, dancing, and finding guys willing to help her cross things off the list, Kinsey had crossed off almost everything.
Do a blow job shot
Have a guy serenade you (bonus points if it’s a Hanson song, obviously)
Have a guy give you his underwear
Have 3 guys write down why you should marry them instead of Taylor
Get a piggyback ride from a stranger
Find a cute guy to practice walking down the aisle with
Have a guy give you a condom
Buy something from a porn shop
Get a picture with a guy named Taylor (not your Taylor, though)
“Thanks!” Kinsey called out, waving the condom she’d just been given in the air.
“Who even gave that to you?” Reggie asked. Kinsey shrugged and handed it to Zac.
“No idea.”
“Do you need another drink?” Tif asked.
“I think she’s good for awhile,” Zac said, trying to discreetly slip the condom into his back pocket.
“It’s her Bachelorette party. She’s supposed to get wasted,” Brenna chimed in.
“She can’t even focus her eyes,” Zac said, forcing himself into her line of sight.
“Here’s the real test,” Tif said, bumping Zac out of the way with a martini in hand, “Kinsey, describe Taylor’s penis in one word.” Kinsey thought about it for a moment while Zac sighed.
“And what exactly is this supposed to accomplish?”
“If she answers truthfully in front of you, then we know how drunk she is,” Tif explained, looking annoyed that she had to do so, before turning her attention back to Kinsey, “Well?”
“Delicious,” Kinsey replied without further hesitation. Zac groaned and rubbed a hand over his eyes while Tif just handed the rest of her drink to Kinsey.
“What are you doing?” Zac demanded. Tif waved him off.
“Will you remove the giant stick from your ass and try to just have a good time. Do you really think I’m going to let anything happen to her?”
“There’s a blowjob shot waiting for you at the bar, M’lady,” Reggie said, coming up and pulling Kinsey away by her arm.
“Either I’m way drunker than I think I am, or there’s more than one,” Kinsey said, closing one of her eyes in an attempt to make the extra shot glasses disappear. Reggie laughed and motioned for everyone else to join them.
“I got them for all of us. Well, except Zac, of course,” Reggie explained before shoving her camera at Zac, “Take a picture of us, will you?”
“As if I have a choice,” he shrugged as all four girls lined up at the bar.
“These shotglasses are huge!” Brenna said.
“Doesn’t say a lot about you, now does it?” Tif asked Zac.
“Oh shut up, Tif, that’s not what I meant. I can fit it in my mouth, there’s just a lot of shot to swallow.”
“Stop talking, little sister. Just stop talking,” Kinsey said, placing her hand over Brenna’s mouth, “Now let’s do this!” They all put their hands behind their backs before bending over the bar and taking their shots. Kinsey knocked hers back with ease before turning to look over at Zac. He was talking to some guy she didn’t recognize, so she headed over to him. As soon as she reached his side the guy disappeared.
“Who was that?” she asked, taking Reggie’s camera from him to look at the picture he’d taken.
“That would be the guy who was just hitting on me because he thinks I’m gay since I’m out at a Bachelorette Party,” he said, prompting Kinsey to crack up.
“Well, at least he was cute.”
“Are we about ready to hit the porn shop?” Zac said, changing the subject, but Kinsey was already distracted. Brenna was talking to a guy at the bar and Kinsey wasted no time in sidling up next to her and stealing her drink.
“Help yourself,” Brenna laughed, “Are we heading out soon?”
“How should I know? I’m just along for the ride,” Kinsey shrugged, guzzling down the rest and setting it loudly on the bar top. She took a few steps back to sit down on a stool. As soon as her eyelids closed, the room started spinning violently around her, and she pressed a hand into her mouth. It had been years since she’d been this drunk. Even though it was her Bachelorette Party and she was supposed to get plastered beyond belief, she was starting to really hate herself for each drink she’d consumed. Zac was right, she did need to be done.
“You okay?” Zac asked as he sat down on the stool next to her. She nodded, still not opening her eyes, and leaned into him until he put his arm around her.
“I really didn’t need that last drink. And just save it with the I told you so, okay?”
“I didn’t say a word,” he laughed, “We can just sit here until you’re feeling better.”
“As soon as the world stops spinning, I’ll be okay.”
“Let me know when you’re ready to move,” he said, giving her shoulders a gentle squeeze, “So, are you sure you want to marry my brother? You can still back out, you know.”
“Of course I do. If I wasn’t one hundred percent sure, do you honestly think I’d be marrying his obnoxious ass?” Zac laughed loudly.
“No, I don’t. I was just giving you shit. And seriously, as weird as it has been to see you two be a couple, I have to admit that you’re pretty perfect for each other.”
“We are, aren’t we?” Kinsey smiled, finally making an attempt to open her eyes. Reggie was standing several feet away, gesturing wildly for her to come over.
“Come take a picture with Taylor!” Reggie called out. Kinsey’s heart soared.
After talking to Zac about how great they are together, all she wanted to do was kiss him, and now he was there? He and Isaac must’ve gotten bored and decided to come out to find them. Tif would probably be pretty pissed off that they’d crashed the party, but Kinsey didn’t mind. She would’ve done a joint Bachelor/Bachelorette Party if Tif hadn’t insisted that they do it separately.
Kinsey leapt off the stool and headed over for them, but her legs betrayed her and she found herself staggering instead. Zac was at her side in a second, latching on to her elbow and putting her back upright. Her stomach sloshed and she had to blink back the black spots that were marring her vision.
“Whoa, are you okay?” Reggie asked, reaching out to push Kinsey’s hair back from her face.
“I’m fine,” Kinsey lied, batting Reggie’s hands away and searching the surrounding area through her fuzzy vision for Taylor’s face, “Where is he?”
“Right here,” Reggie beamed, gesturing to a short red-haired guy with a beard.
“What?” Kinsey asked, giving the guy a once-over and feeling her throat constrict.
“This guy’s name is Taylor. It’s on your list for you to get your picture taken with a Taylor who isn’t your Taylor,” Reggie explained, and Kinsey felt her eyes glaze over.
“I thought that Taylor was here,” she said softly, her words barely heard over the thumping music.
“Of course he isn’t, silly. It’s your Bachelorette Party!” Reggie said, trying very hard to smooth things over. But, it was too late. Kinsey was far too drunk and feeling much too sick to handle the let down. She crumpled into tears, and immediately felt herself being pulled away. The temperature around her changed after a bit and she was pushed into a sitting position.
“What’s wrong with her?” she vaguely heard Tif ask over the sound of her own sniffles and sobs.
“Well, you got her so drunk that she’s a big emotional mess, that’s what,” Zac snapped at her.
“When I told her to come get her picture taken with that Taylor guy we met, she thought I meant that it was Taylor and she just started crying,” Reggie explained.
“Oh lord,” Tif sighed, “Will you stop glaring at me, Zac?”
“I told you that she’d had enough.”
“Yeah, you were right. Do you want a cookie or something?”
At the mere mention of food, Kinsey’s stomach lurched and she opened her eyes to find herself sitting on a stoop about half a block down from the bar they’d just been in. Thankfully, there was a garbage can only a few feet away that she somehow managed to make her way to before emptying her stomach.
“Come on, Kins. I think you’re done,” Brenna said from behind her, smoothing her hand over Kinsey’s back and trying to pull her away from the garbage. Kinsey again felt herself being dragged back to the stoop where Reggie and Tif were trying to call for a cab.
“No one can come for forty-five minutes,” Reggie sighed.
“They told me the same thing,” Tif grumbled.
“We can’t just sit here for that long. She needs to get home,” Brenna said.
“Call Taylor,” Kinsey said, “I want Taylor.” She felt herself being nudged into a horizontal position, and felt her cheek come to rest on a jean-covered thigh.
“I’m calling him right now,” Zac said from above her. Kinsey tilted her neck to see that she was lying in Zac’s lap and she smiled. Her eyes shut against the spinning street and within a few minutes, everything was black.
The next sensation she recognized was her feet dangling and bobbing lightly. Then came the pressure at the back of her neck and behind her knees. The world didn’t feel like it was spinning anymore, so she dared to peek open one eye to find a bright yellow taxi van waiting open at the curb.
“Zac, would you let it go? Tif feels bad enough already,” Isaac said from behind whoever Kinsey had determined was carrying her towards the taxi.
“Watch her head!” Zac called out, obviously ignoring Isaac.
“Do you really think I’m going to hit her head? Just shut up,” Taylor grumbled, and Kinsey looked up for the first time to see Taylor staring forward with a very determined look on his face.
“You came,” she said with a smile.
“Of course I did, Drunko,” he said, then hunkering down to maneuver both of them into the middle seat of the van, “Can you sit up now?” Kinsey nodded and sat next to him, immediately melting into his side and clinging to him.
“Here’s some water,” Tif said, putting a bottle of water in Kinsey’s lap before climbing into the back seat with Isaac, Reggie, and Brenna hot on her heels. Kinsey heard Zac talking up near the driver, so she assumed that he must be sitting shotgun, and just let herself relax against Taylor.
“Did you have fun before your little sob fest?” Taylor teased, pushing her hair out of her face.
“I did. It was so much fun. I did a blow job shot, got condoms and lingerie and a Kama Sutra book, and Tif gave me a Make Your Own Dildo Kit,” Kinsey murmured against his shirt.
“A what?” he asked.
“You two can, uh, talk about that later,” Tif chimed in from the backseat.
“She said that Isaac already did one for her. It’s fine,” Kinsey managed before sleep overtook her again.
“Tif!!” Isaac exclaimed.
“Oh my god…” Taylor groaned.
“This is the only Bachelorette Party I’m ever going to,” Zac said definitively from the front seat, and with that, they all fell silent.