They left the bar soon after Kinsey and Taylor’s fight in the alley and the energy of the group was definitely charged differently than usual. Kinsey was trying not to cry, Taylor looked pissed off, Zac and Brenna had obviously been off making out somewhere and had looks on their faces that were a mixture of guilt and desire, and Isaac continued to look completely oblivious. Kinsey unlocked the door to their building and stalked down the hallway ahead of everyone else, opening their front door and dashing up the stairs before she had the chance to see what anyone else was planning on doing with the rest of the night. All she wanted to do was sleep, so she brushed her teeth quickly and was in bed before any of the guys even came upstairs.
She had been asleep for quite awhile when she felt someone climb in bed with her.
“Taylor, I told you I’m done with this,” she said grumpily, but when a sob sounded from the other side of her bed, she knew it was not Taylor. It was Brenna. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” Brenna managed through her tears. Kinsey rolled on to her side and turned on her bedside light before looking at her sister. Brenna looked like a mess. Her lips were as swollen as her eyes, her mascara running down to her cheeks.
“Brenna, spill. Now.”
“I went to Zac’s room,” Brenna admitted and saying Zac’s name seemed to set off another wave of tears. Kinsey grabbed the box of Kleenex from the table next to her bed and handed them to Brenna. Brenna yanked one almost violently out of the box and rubbed the tears from her face with it leaving red streaks to complement the other features of her face that were also glowing a painful, sad red. “I went there because he asked me to, but just when…” And with that, Kinsey lost her to tears again.
“Just when what, Brenna?” Kinsey asked with a grimace, already knowing the answer and not really wanting it validated from her sister’s lips.
“Just when we were about to… you know,” Brenna said, “He stopped. He stopped! The whole thing was his idea and he stopped!”
“What did he say?” Kinsey asked, seeing that her sister’s tears weren’t going to subside any time soon and scooting closer to put her arm around Brenna’s shoulders. Brenna immediately leaned in to the comforting motion and laid her head on Kinsey’s shoulder.
“That it wasn’t right. He said that he didn’t feel right about having sex with me.”
“If he had been so gung-ho about it a minute before, what changed his mind?”
“I don’t know!” Brenna said, obviously lying. Kinsey pulled back and looked sternly down at Brenna until she sighed and gave in, “Fine, I toldhimitwasmyfirsttime.”
“With some annunciation, please?” Kinsey asked.
Brenna sighed and sniffled. “I said, I told him it was my first time.”
“Oh Brenna…” Kinsey said, pulling her sister close again, this time reaching her free arm around to hug her, “I think he just didn’t want to be your first time because he knows how you feel about him.”
“But I don’t care if he doesn’t like me back!”
“Yes you do. If you two had gone through with it and tomorrow morning he’d said that he didn’t want anything more, you know that you would have been heartbroken.”
“Will you just stop being the logical big sister for a minute and just let me cry?” Brenna asked, “I hate how you’re right all the time!” Kinsey didn’t say anything and just stroked Brenna’s hair while she cried, wanting to say about a thousand things but keeping her mouth shut because she’d been asked to.
“I mean, I tried to get him to like me,” Brenna started up a few minutes later as if she’d been in the middle of a statement.
“How? By getting a makeover and wearing revealing clothes? That’s not how you get a guy to like you, Brenna, it’s how you get a guy to want you.”
“I just wanted him however I could get him,” Brenna said softly before turning and giving Kinsey a hard look, “And I thought I told you to stop being so logical.” Kinsey rolled her eyes.
“It just comes naturally, sorry.” Brenna sighed and snuggled back into Kinsey’s side.
“I’m only about year younger than him. I know that I can be a little flaky sometimes, but I’m smart. And I’m pretty, right?”
“You’re beautiful, Brenna.”
“Then why doesn’t he like me? Why won’t he even consider liking me?” she asked. Kinsey shook her head.
“I don’t know,” she replied honestly. She really didn’t know why after all those years Zac had never given Brenna a second thought. Sure, her crush had bordered on obsession at times, but Brenna had been young and now she was twenty, plenty old enough to make her own decisions. And now Zac had clearly started to see her in a different light, so Kinsey really didn’t know what the problem was other than the fact that Zac would never want to hurt Brenna. But if he gave Brenna a chance, he wouldn’t be hurting her, right?
They sat there in a comfortable silence for a few minutes while Brenna composed herself.
“I’m just embarrassed, I guess,” Brenna admitted finally, “I’ve been coming on strong all weekend and I just wanted him to see me. I’ve felt invisible to him for so long.”
“Well, he definitely saw you,” Kinsey smiled. Brenna snorted and a slight smile touched her lips.
“I guess…”
“Just give it time. Sometimes boys are dense and it takes a long time for them to realize what’s right in front of them,” Kinsey told her.
“But I’m not around all the time like you are. I’m going to leave on Monday and he’s going to just go back to thinking about me as your stupid little sister.”
“I really doubt that,” Kinsey said reassuringly.
“So, what the hell is going on with you and Taylor?” Brenna asked as if the question had been at the front of her mind the entire time and it came spilling out without meaning to.
“Nothing,” Kinsey stated. It wasn’t a lie. As of earlier that night, it had officially become nothing.
“Kinsey… come on. You and Taylor have done nothing but fight for forever and now I catch him sneaking in your room late at night?” Brenna asked. Kinsey didn’t want to tell her, but she knew that if she could trust anyone in the world with the secret aside from Tif, it was Brenna. She was her sister after all, and Kinsey really did need to talk to someone about the situation.
“On my birthday, Taylor gave me that,” Kinsey said, pointing to the drawing of Road Runner that sat on the table next to Brenna’s side of the bed, “It’s an original drawing.”
“Holy shit!” Brenna gasped.
“So, I went into his room to ask him why he’d gotten me such a thoughtful and expensive gift and after that talk, he kissed me. And we wound up sleeping together. And then it happened again and again, and we finally agreed to be friends with benefits because the sex is…” Kinsey started, laughing to herself at how ridiculous she must have sounded talking about having sex with Taylor to her sister; the same sister who had tried to get them to stop arguing a thousand times in the last ten years, “It’s amazing and having him right next door was just too tempting. Apparently he felt the same way because he was the one to suggest the little arrangement. But sneaking around has been awful and all I can think about is how Ike and Zac are going to react when they find out because it’s really not going to be pretty.”
“No, it’s probably not,” Brenna said, “So what happened tonight. I know you were pissed about something, but I was a little… preoccupied.”
“He was making out with some other girl and while he was doing it he looked right at me!”
“He was trying to make you jealous?” Brenna asked. Kinsey sighed and leaned back against the headboard.
“I guess so. But why would he do that?”
“Oh my god, and you say that guys are dense,” Brenna mumbled before speaking up, “He likes you, you moron!”
“What?” Kinsey asked incredulously, “Of course he doesn’t. It’s me and Taylor, come on.”
“Yeah, you and Taylor. No one ever saw that one coming,” she rolled her eyes.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kinsey demanded.
“Nothing, let’s just go to sleep,” Brenna said, sounding exhausted and effectively letting Kinsey know that she planned to sleep in there for the night. Kinsey didn’t really mind. She and Brenna had shared a bed countless times on family vacations and when staying at relatives’ houses over the years and something about it felt safe and comforting. And as her sister’s words, those scary and out of the blue words, were permeating every part of Kinsey’s brain capable of becoming panicked, she was thankful to have someone else in the room to keep her grounded. Otherwise, she feared she might have gone crazy laying there staring into the blackness and wondering what the hell Brenna’s comment had meant. Instead, her sister’s steady breathing eventually lulled her to sleep and she was somehow able to sleep all the way through until morning.
She woke up around eight to find Brenna sprawled out on the bed, having forced Kinsey to the very edge of the mattress. Apparently, some things never changed. She stood and glared at her sister, then deciding to smack her once with a pillow for good measure. Brenna grumbled and sat up slowly, rubbing her already mascara smeared eyes and yawning.
“What?!” she asked sleepily.
“Get up, you frigging bed hog,” Kinsey grumbled before pulling a sweatshirt out of her closet and yanking it over her head while Brenna extricated herself from the sheets she’d managed to twist around herself during the night.
“I’m hungry,” Brenna whined. Kinsey just rolled her eyes and put her hands on Brenna’s shoulders from behind, guiding her out the door and towards the stairs. “Let go, you’re going to push me down the stairs.”
“Like I’d waste that much energy murdering your ass,” Kinsey smiled. Brenna laughed lightly and took a deep breath before starting down the stairs. Kinsey realized how hard it was going to be for Brenna to be around Zac. Pretty much as hard as it was going to be for her to be around Taylor, she assumed. At least Brenna knew where she and Zac stood. When it came to herself and Taylor, Kinsey had no idea what was going on or what to do.
But when they entered the kitchen, they found all three guys gathered around Isaac’s laptop gaping at the screen in front of them.
“What’s going on?” Kinsey asked and they all jumped and looked in their direction.
“Um…” Isaac started.
“You got us in the tabloids last night,” Zac said to her.
“Me? What the hell did I do?” she asked.
“More like what the hell did you and Taylor do,” Zac responded and Kinsey looked at Taylor. Her brain went to many obvious places, but she quickly came to the conclusion that nothing had transpired last night that would have given away their past sexual encounters. There hadn’t been a kiss or a hug or anything.
“TMZ got footage of you two arguing out in the alley,” Isaac explained, he and Zac sharing a look before they both started cracking up.
“It’s not funny!” Taylor demanded, slapping both of them on the back of the head before huffing.
“What?!” Kinsey demanded, going over with Brenna to peer over their shoulders as well. The headline on TMZ’s website said “Taylor Hanson and Girlfriend Have Public Fight.”
“Isn’t it classic?” Zac roared with laughter, pointing to the picture of the two of them arguing.
“I’m so glad this is over!” Isaac read, laughing almost as hard as Zac.
“Girlfriend?” Kinsey asked, feeling suddenly sick to her stomach. Taylor looked over at Brenna who wasn’t laughing at all and raised an eyebrow.
“Why aren’t you laughing?” he asked her. She looked at Zac and Isaac and shook her head.
“I don’t see what’s so funny about it,” she explained.
“It’s hilarious!” Zac said, “Look at Kinsey’s face! She looks like she’s two seconds away from smacking Taylor.”
“Oh yeah, and that’s just what I want spread all over. God, just shut up, Zac,” Kinsey spat, finding herself incredibly annoyed with him. She was sure it had something to do with what he had done to Brenna the night before, but his reaction to the article wasn’t earning him any points either.
“Yikes, still fighting?” Zac asked, looking back and forth between Taylor and Kinsey.
“When aren’t we?” Kinsey retorted before leaving the table and busying herself by fixing breakfast for herself and Brenna. She was so happy that she and Brenna had decided to wait in line at the TKTS booth to try and get tickets to see “Avenue Q.” That meant they would be far away from the guys all day. Far away from the stupid TMZ article and the way that Taylor kept looking at her out of the corner of his eye and far away from her idiot best friend who was earning more and more tallies in the Dickhead column in her mind with every passing second.
After she and Brenna had eaten the eggs and toast Kinsey had made, they got ready quickly and headed for Times Square where they got in line behind about a hundred other people. Even though Brenna kept rambling on about how there was no way they’d get tickets, they did in the twelfth row for the evening performance. They spent the rest of the day shopping and then went back to get dressed up for the show before going to dinner at a nice Italian restaurant near the theater where they gorged on creamy pasta dishes and split a huge slice of cheesecake for dessert. It had been a really long time since she and Brenna had spent a whole day together just the two of them, and Kinsey found herself having a lot of fun. The show was hysterical and they both purchased copies of the soundtrack before they left to go back to the condo. The guys were nowhere to be found, so they assumed that they had all retreated to their bedrooms for the evening.
“I’m going to go talk to Zac,” Brenna said, obviously trying to sound very determined and sure of her decision.
“Why would you do that?” Kinsey asked.
“I just need to let him know that I’m okay and that I’m not mad at him for last night.”
“Why would he think you were mad, not sad or disapointed?” Kinsey asked and when Brenna looked at the floor and nervously chewed on her bottom lip, Kinsey knew the answer, “You said something awful to him before you left his room last night, didn’t you?”
“Heinously awful,” Brenna sighed, “And I have to make it right.”
“Do not kiss him!” Kinsey instructed. Brenna laughed.
“Really wasn’t planning on it,” Brenna said before heading upstairs. Kinsey wasn’t quite ready to go to bed yet, so she went in the living room and threw in a disc of the third season of Dawson’s Creek. She was most of the way through the episode “The Longest Day,” smiling the entire time. She had always been a huge fan of Pacey and Joey’s relationship. It was passionate and exciting and had always touched her heart for some reason.
But as she was watching, she couldn’t help but think about to the night before when Brenna had insinuated that no one would be surprised about her and Taylor’s situation, or whatever it was. A comment like that meant one thing, and it was that Brenna had talked to other people about Kinsey and Taylor before. Had those conversations happened with Tif right after one of her boyfriends had broken up with her because of Taylor? She had never told anyone that Taylor was the reason for their breakups, but she knew that at least Tif suspected something because Kinsey would always distance herself from him after these occurrences and Tif had commented on it multiple times. That was the only thing she could think of because to anyone but those few stupid boys, she and Taylor had always been the two who just couldn’t get along no matter how hard anyone tried to smooth things over.
It was Dawson Leery’s voice that shook her out of her reverie as he shouted at Joey on the screen.
“Then explain it to me, Jo. Explain to me how two people who can’t even stand to be in the same room with each other ended up at my window arguing about the future of their relationship,” he exclaimed and Kinsey felt something tighten in her stomach. That comment hit a little too close to home for very obvious reasons. She wanted to puke on the spot at the disgusting irony and pressed the stop button on the remote as aggressively as she could before throwing it to the other end of the couch. How could she possibly be a fan of Joey and Pacey when her “relationship” with Taylor which was so similar made her so screamingly angry?
She could have pushed it to the back of her mind, but given the way her life as she knew it had started to spiral out of control, she knew that she needed to think this one over.
What did she like about Pacey and Joey? Well, they had a lot of chemistry, that was the first thing. She’d been able to see it since the very first episode. Even though all they ever did was bicker, the attraction between the two of them was always obvious, at least to Kinsey. And then there was the fact that they weren’t disgusting and ooey-gooey like Dawson and Joey had always been. There was no pathetic desperation, just good old fashioned lusty, angst driven passion. Passion that was worth hiding from their friends. Passion that was worth tearing friendships apart.
Kinsey felt the Venetian blinds in her mind open just slightly, letting a little light shine through on the situation. Was Brenna right? Had those boys, including Tyler, been right? Was there something there beyond hidden romps behind closed doors? The fighting between them had always made her feel something different than when she argued with anyone else. It made her feel… alive. Like every nerve ending in her body was on fire with some vibrant emotion, whether it was anger or annoyance or more recently, desire. She didn’t know what it was, but she had a sudden feeling that her current situation with Taylor had not started by a random or coincidental action, but that something was there. Something might have always been there and it was enough to take notice of, that she knew.
Maybe Taylor already knew this. His comments from the previous night made her think he probably did. The thing, whatever it was, might not end up being anything at all, but Kinsey had the sudden feeling that if she didn’t talk to Taylor about it would never even have the chance to come to fruition. With a shaking breath, she made the decision to go upstairs to talk to him, but he walked into the room before she could do that with a completely irritated look on this face. He was holding his cell phone open and facing her and it was playing something on speakerphone. His mother’s voice filled the room.
”Jordan Taylor Hanson, how dare you not tell us that you and Kinsey were seeing each other! We’ve only been waiting for this to happen for forever! We’re not too happy to see that you two are fighting and hope that what they quoted Kinsey saying didn’t mean that you two have broken up because we, the Jacksons and us, couldn’t be more thrilled. Ever since you two were little we’ve known that this might happen some day and-“ He snapped the phone shut mid-sentence.
“That goes on for three more minutes,” he said irritably before plopping down next to her on the couch, “What a fucking mess.”
“It’s not that big of a deal. Just deny, deny, deny,” Kinsey said, “And it’s not even a lie because I’m not your girlfriend.”
“No, but now everyone thinks you are. And I mean everyone. It’s all over the internet. People have found pictures of you with us from way back when and apparently now we’re childhood sweethearts. Isn’t that adorable?” Kinsey just looked at him and sighed, not wanting to bring it all up now, but knowing herself enough to know that if she didn’t say something now, she never would
“What’s going on between us, Taylor?” she asked.
“What do you mean? There’s nothing going on between us. You made that perfectly clear last night,” he said.
“Stop being defensive! I’m asking you a serious question!” Kinsey demanded, turning to face him on the couch before lowering her voice in case anyone happened to be within hearing distance, “And you told me to come talk to you when I figured it out and I haven’t exactly, but I think I figured out something.”
“And that is?” he asked.
“I have no idea,” Kinsey laughed and was amazed to find that the laughter came freely, “I don’t know, but I know it’s something and that it’s between us. That and it’s not about sex.”
“You’re not making any sense, Kins,” he said, trying very hard to hide the amused look on his face.
“I know! It’s crazy. This whole thing is crazy, but at the same time, don’t you have a feeling that it’s maybe not so crazy? I mean, listen to that message from your mom. And Brenna made a similar comment to me last night and all my past boyfriends…”
“What are you trying to say?” he asked, baiting her for a real answer.
“I’m not saying anything definitive, Taylor, because I’m still trying to wrap my brain around a little piece of a potential something. All I’m trying to say is that I think there has to be something here that we’re missing, something that brought us together the night of my birthday. Something clicked for us that night.”
“Something,” he repeated with a half smile, the same half smile he’d given her after they slept together for the first time. Kinsey had always hated it when he repeated her because it had always felt like he was making fun of her and this was no exception. She felt her eyes narrow.
“You’re an ass,” she told him, rolling her eyes.
“Come on now, is that any way for my girlfriend to talk to me?” he teased. Kinsey scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest.
“I am not your girlfriend.”
“No, you’re my something,” he laughed lightly, reaching over to push her hair out of her face. The action felt more intimate and kind than she was used to experiencing with Taylor and she found herself pulling back from it instinctually. He either didn’t notice her subtle shift or pretended not to.
“So where does this leave us?” she asked, “We’re not dating, obviously, but we’re not exactly fuck buddies any more either, are we?” He shook his head.
“We’re just… something else,” he shrugged.
“Yeah, I’ll say,” she laughed. He returned her smile and grabbed the remote from next to his leg.
“So, what are we watching?” he asked. Kinsey just let him turn on the DVD and find out for himself.