You Irritate Me // Poor Little Cry Baby (Chapter 6)

Kinsey hardly slept after waking up in the middle of having dream sex with Taylor. She had never had a sexual dream about any of the three of them and so naturally, the first one she had would have to be about Taylor. As if her relationship with him wasn’t annoying enough already.

She didn’t know if she was more angry with her subconscious for concocting the dream or with her body for actually getting aroused by it. It had taken her hours of denial, swearing under her breath, and watching infomercials to make the heat between her legs subside. Thankfully, she had finally drifted back to sleep to the sounds of an overly enthusiastic woman touting the wonders of the Magic Bullet. Several hours later, she was stirred from sleep by a body actually sitting on the edge of her bed. She had fully expected to see Taylor sitting there, ready to ravage her just like he had in her dream, but instead found Zac looking at her strangely.

“Are you okay?” he asked her.

“What?” she asked, looking down at herself to be sure she was fully clothed.

“You’re all sweaty and you look exhausted,” he said. She just groaned and pulled one of her spare pillows over her eyes.

“Go away, Zac. I had a hard time sleeping last night,” she told him.

“Why? Nightmares?”

“I guess you could say that,” she mumbled, now fully into the pillow.

“Well, it’s almost one. We’re almost done painting the kitchen, so come help us finish up.”

“I thought you guys were working in the studio today,” she said, deciding that it might be in her best interest to get up if they were in fact helping her by painting.

“We were going to, but when Ike and I came down for breakfast this morning, we found Taylor already painting. He must be having residual guilt for spilling the beans about you guys kissing,” Zac shrugged, taking Kinsey’s hands and helping her to her feet.

“I don’t think Taylor is capable of guilt. I think he just likes the paint fumes,” Kinsey retorted, “Now get out of here so I can change.” After some grumbling, Zac exited her room and Kinsey immediately sunk back to her bed, her heart pounding furiously against her ribs.

The second she had realized it wasn’t Taylor sitting on the edge of her bed, she had actually felt a twinge of disappointment. Why couldn’t it have been an awful and awkward sex dream? Why had the mere seconds dream Taylor had been inside of her been so ridiculously mind-blowing? She shook her head hard in a vain attempt to rid the dream and all of its incredibly realistic and wonderful-feeling sensations from her brain and changed into her yoga pants and a clean tank top before heading downstairs.

“Be normal. Be normal. Be normal,” she whispered to herself over and over as she descended the stairs, the guys’ voices reaching her as soon as she hit the bottom step.

“She looks like she’s getting sick,” she heard Zac say.

“She’s probably hungover,” Isaac responded.

“I’m fine,” she said through gritted teeth as she entered the kitchen which she immediately noticed was insanely hot. “Holy oppressive heat, Batman!”

“There’s something wrong with the radiator in here, obviously. We can’t get it to shut off,” Isaac said, “I already called someone and they’ll be here in a few hours.” It was then that Kinsey noticed a discarded shirt sitting over the back of a chair.

“Can we open a window or something? Seriously, I’m dying in here,” Taylor complained as he walked back in the room bare-chested. Kinsey tried as hard as she could to ignore it, to just walk towards the fridge to get some orange juice, but Taylor stepped right in front her and opened the door first, allowing the cold air to cool his skin. “That’s what I’m talking about.”

“Excuse me, some people are thirsty,” she said, tapping him on the shoulder after a good thirty seconds of waiting for him to move while also trying to ignore his arousal-inducing, half-naked presence a mere foot in front of her. She had seen Taylor shirtless hundreds of times before and she internally swore at the dream for putting ridiculous thoughts about him into her head.

“Yeah, well some people are hot from painting all morning. Not all of us had the luxury of sleeping in until the afternoon while others were slaving away,” Taylor rolled his eyes and stepped away from the fridge, allowing Kinsey access. She tried not to notice the V that started at his hips and disappeared into the waistband of his pajama pants. Before she got caught staring for too long wondering if that had always been there, she did the only thing she could think of to draw attention away from herself.

“You know… I think this is the hair that’s been clogging our shower drain,” she said, stepping closer to him and pulling on a few of his chest hairs.

“Ow! What the fuck?” he demanded, pushing her lightly away and putting his hand over the place she’d just hurt. She shrugged and grabbed the orange juice, ignoring his lingering whining about how she’d hurt him and distancing herself from him until she could get her raging hormones under control.

“You’re such a child. Get over it,” she rolled her eyes before sipping her freshly poured juice from the safety of the table.

“You pulled my chest hair! Who does that?”

“Apparently Kinsey,” Isaac interjected, “So can we get back to work now? I’d like to have this done before dinner.” But before he could even finish his thought, they were back to arguing.

“How do you know it’s not your hair in the drain?” Taylor demanded as he started towards her, bringing Kinsey’s original comment up again.

“Because they’re short and curly just like these,” she said, reaching up to tug a few again before he could stop her.

“Well gee,” he said, feigning confusion, “And there are no hairs similar to that anywhere on your body… hmmmm.” And with that smartass comment, any lingering feelings Kinsey had been experiencing due to her dream slipped away. It was then that she realized how his truly obnoxious personality completely cancelled out any attraction she might have towards him.

“Oh my god, stop!” Isaac said, “I bet you two couldn’t go a day without bitching at each other.”

“You think?” Zac asked, “I bet they couldn’t go eight hours.”

“Deal,” Taylor said, “Say $50?”

“Oh no, it’s not a matter of if you guys could do it or not, because you couldn’t. It’s more a matter of who would cave and nag the other first.”

“So what do you propose?” Taylor asked. Kinsey sighed heavily into her cup. She hated how much they bet over things, but it had been going on since they were little, betting things like toys or allowance, it was just that as they had gotten older, their wagers had increased significantly.

“I think you two should call the terms,” Isaac suggested, “It will at least give you two more incentive to play nice and keep things quiet around here for an evening.”

“Please god,” Zac muttered under his breath.

“Fine,” Taylor said, turning towards Kinsey, “If I win, Kinsey has to clean the bathroom for a month.”

“And if I win, Taylor has to wax his chest,” Kinsey replied.

“Deal,” Taylor said confidently, obviously certain that he would be winning. He reached out his hand towards her and she pumped it once before turning and walking away. As they worked to finish painting the kitchen before the repairman came, Kinsey had to repeatedly bite her tongue as Taylor did a plethora of stupid things to try to irritate her to the point of scolding. He intentionally splattered paint on the counter tops, left a can dripping with condensation on their wooden kitchen table without a coaster, and made clucking sounds with his tongue until even Zac yelled at him to knock it off. But through all of this, Kinsey made no comments, though she did bite the inside of her mouth so hard she thought it might bleed. How she could have had a single post-dream inappropriate thought about him was beyond her as he shoved his paintbrush into Isaac’s ear before going right back to painting the wall with it.

“What’s wrong with you?” Isaac asked, a fatherly tone creeping its way into his voice. He bolted over to the sink where he proceeded to clean out his ear with Kinsey’s help. Taylor just started whistling an unidentifiable tune and kept on painting. After Isaac had been cleaned up and they had gotten back to finishing the last wall, Kinsey knew that there was only one thing she could do that would annoy Taylor to the point of making him crack. And so she started singing at the top of her lungs her own lyrics that she had written to “If Only” back in the day.

“If only I had the guts to say ‘I’m gay!’ If only he’d look at me say ‘Okay!’ If only Lance Bass would take me in his arms and say ‘I won’t go, cause I need you! Please Taylor, I need you tonight!” she sang, using her paintbrush as a microphone and causing Isaac and Zac to groan. Over the years, they’d listenend to countless renditions, which Kinsey had crafted purely to aggravate Taylor. Of course, the guy of choice had changed over the years, but the reaction she got was always the same. This instance was no exception. Taylor abandoned the unpainted section of wall in front of him and swiped the paintbrush down the full length of Kinsey’s arm.

“Have fun cleaning the bathroom, loser,” he smirked.

“Um, I just won,” she said.

“How did you win? You just did something to intentionally annoy me. That counts,” he said.

“I was just singing, but… you called me a loser,” she replied with a little shrug.

“Isaac!” Taylor whined.

“Kinsey’s right. We said that you guys had to go eight hours without bitching at each other.” Isaac offered, “And if we do count Kinsey’s singing, we also have to count all the things you were doing before that to annoy her. So… you lose.” Taylor’s mouth dropped open and he dropped his paintbrush on the tray before stomping out of the room.

“Should I make you an appointment at the spa down the street?” Kinsey yelled after him.

“Fuck. You,” he spat, raising both middle fingers in the air as he walked out of sight.

“Okay, that’s fine. I’ll just do it for him,” Kinsey said matter-of-factly.

“Oh my god. That’s going to hurt so bad,” Zac cringed, his arms wrapping around his torso protectively, “You’re going to love being the one inflicting the pain, aren’t you?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely,” she smiled before turning back to the wall.

The next evening, Kinsey breezed into the kitchen, a wide grin on her face.

“Why so smiley?” Isaac asked. She dropped her purse and a grocery sack on the kitchen table and went over to the fridge to grab a beer.

“Oh… I just got a job,” she said, pausing for dramatic flair before giving them the good news.

“I didn’t know you had an interview!” Zac said, coming over to give her a big bear hug, “Congrats!”

“Yeah, now you’ll finally start earning your keep around here,” Taylor added.

“Not even you can bring me down today, sir,” she told him, tapping her beer against his and sitting down next to him.

“So what’s the job?” Zac asked curiously, sitting down across from her. He knew full well how much it had been bothering Kinsey to sit on her merchandising degree and do nothing all day.

“I’m the newest assistant buyer at Macy’s, thank you very much,” she said, unable to hide her smile, “Working as a buyer for that stupid little boutique in Tulsa actually paid off since it gave me the experience I needed to be qualified for the job.”

“Well that’s great, Kins. When do you start?” Isaac asked.

“Next Monday morning, bright and early,” she said, “But there’s so much to do between now and then.”

“What, like your birthday?” Zac rolled his eyes, “We’re doing something for you Kinsey, I promise.”

No, smarty pants, not my birthday. But I do think that it’s the right time to make a clean start, don’t you?” she asked, her eyes flicking towards the bag on the table long enough for Zac to take notice. He leaned forward to peer inside and immediately started laughing.

“Why yes, Kinsey, I think it’s the perfect time to rid ourselves of everything unnecessary.”

“What the hell are you two babbling about?” Taylor asked disinterestedly, not taking his eyes off the magazine in front of him. Kinsey grabbed the box of home waxing product out of the bag and dropped it on the table in front of him. With a look of great annoyance, Taylor’s gaze moved to Kinsey’s face before condescending to look at what she had set before him. “Hell no.”

“A bet’s a bet, Taylor. And you lost, so it’s time to get rid of that gnarly business you call chest hair,” she replied sassily.

“Oh come on, you don’t think you’re actually going to wax my chest, do you?”

“Would you have made me clean the bathroom?” she asked. It was written all over his face that he wanted to lie and say no, but just couldn’t make himself.

“Yes,” he sighed, “But this is different. It’s not like I told you to shave your head or something.”

“Well, you could have but you didn’t. So let’s go upstairs and get this party started,” she grinned.

“That’s what they all say,” Taylor smirked, prompting Kinsey to smack his arm with the box before leading the way out of the room. Taylor didn’t follow at first, but after being kicked hard under the table by Zac, eventually did, but not before grabbing a bottle of tequila out of the liquor cabinet. He found Kinsey upstairs in their bathroom, carefully reading the directions that must have been included in the box, its contents now neatly arranged on the counter.

“Unless you want me to wax the shirt off of you first, I suggest you lose it,” she said, her eyes not leaving the directions. Glaring at her the entire time, Taylor unscrewed the lid to the tequila, took a long swig and set the glass bottle down noisily on the counter before pulling off his shirt and dropping it to the floor.

“Wait here for just a second,” she instructed, “I’ll be right back.” Taylor sighed heavily and sat himself down on the counter, sipping out of the bottle of tequila like it was a baby bottle until Kinsey returned with what appeared to be now hot wax. “If you puke on me while I’m doing this, I’m going to lose it.”

“If you think I’m letting you do this sober, you’re insane,” he retorted, taking another swig before finally setting it aside.

“How do you think it’s going up there?” Zac asked Isaac as they worked to make them all dinner. Before Isaac could reply, a shriek sounded through the entire condo.

“Jesus Christ, Kinsey! You almost ripped my nipple off!” they heard Taylor scream at her.

“Better than I expected,” Isaac replied, laughing as he continued to chop potatoes. Kinsey came downstairs a few minutes later carrying a now half full container of wax, which she promptly put back in the microwave.

“Halfway done,” she told them cheerfully, “Poor Little Cry Baby almost didn’t want me to finish, but I just gave him his bottle of tequila back and I think he’ll make it through.”

“That has to suck,” Zac shuddered, “You keep your crazy wax away from me!”

“Oh, this is reserved just for Taylor, don’t worry,” she laughed and then disappeared back upstairs to finish the job.

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